Dawn

I remember when I was little and dad was still alive

Its a vague memory, but its one I cannot erase from my mind

I remember when life took a drastic turn, endless hospital trips, never ending lines of pills

I remember dad going bald, shedding his hair, going pale, thin as stick, fragile

I remember keeping my distance, for fear of hurting him, he was so weak

I was 11.

I remember the remission days, when things seemed almost normal

Life was somewhat back on track, smiles kind of returned to our home

I remember when he collapsed again, I remember the pain that life will just be a repetition of that shock

I was 14.

I remember when it was the final goodbye, the last breath

I remember my mother telling me that we are at the end of the road

That the answers were given, judgment was passed and I denied

I denied the truth so badly, that I forgot to say goodbye.

I was 15.

I remember the crushing defeat, I still recall those moments when the ground slipped from under my feet and I fell

I fell down a deep, dark hole, with nothing to hold on to

But fake smiles, and a pat on my own back to keep moving forward

Stopping and falling apart was not an option that was offered

I remember my mother getting my uniform ready a week after things fell apart

And I remember walking into my classroom with all eyes on me, boring holes in the back of my head, waiting for me to snap

So I remember smiling, smiling back at concerned faces, smiling to elate them

And forget about my own pain, I remember going gaga on everything

I remember shutting down, I still remember the taste of the misery nine years down the road.

Yes, its that day again.

Another poem to mark a milestone, to keep the conversation alive, to keep him alive

May 16.