2014.


The whole year is wrapping up today as a present to the past and I might just as well add my little packages too. This year started out great, little hurdles, small ups and small downs, accelerated in a positive way, and stayed constant followed by a major downfall.
If you are a regular reader, you would know what I am talking about.
The year 2014 is a very important year for me. I gained back my family and lost my father.
Starting with my accident in the beginning of the year, it seemed like a huge thing for me. It made me value my life which I wasn’t bothered about before.
Then came the results of my board exams and choosing of my stream for graduation.
My family, especially bysa papa supported me in taking up Arts and pursuing what I loved to do.
Then my sister’s wedding brought me closer to my family and made me realise that they mean the world to me. I was happy.
I joined college. Delhi University turned out exactly as I thought it would be. Classes were great. The people were great.
Then bysa papa was diagnosed with cancer at the same time as kashmir floods. I was torn from the people I called my friends.
Everything began to fall like the wind blowing away the castle of cards. And in no time, my life was shattered.
Great ending to a memorable year. 😏

Dear 2014, lets not repeat our gifts again. I would be obliged. Now, go in peace and take away my life which you shattered so easily.
Not so grateful.
Me.
Happy New Year.

Withered Lives


Like flower buds, we bloom
Springing from our mothers’ womb
Nourishment and care, we get as much as she can spare
Grow up we do with the freshness of the dew
See the sun, the light it throws
All bright and shiny, even the night as the moon glows
Tucked in the warmth of the petal like arms of our mothers, we sleep
No worries, no sadness, no melancholy in our dreams
But as life moves forward
Future reveals the present, the present isn’t pleasant
It breaks the backbone, the stem of our vibrancy
Green turns to gold, petals wither and fall
The flowers exposed, the harshness takes a toll
We wither, we suffer, life drains out with the tears we shed
Facing the sky, we beg for mercy
We ask for the shiny days but Alas!
Once a flower withers, it withers true to its core
Once done, cannot be undone
No matter the rain falling, the breeze which blows
Dies the flower with a last gasp of pain
Lies in the heap of wilderness, never to adorn the earth with its grace
Withered lives do not resurrect, they do not come alive
They bend and rot and mix with the mud
Not caring for the frost of the ground, the chilly winter winds
The cruelty makes it hard to cope, hard to breathe
One wishes to run, to die, to mix with the mud
Just to escape the pain, just for a little while.
But it is not so!
Fixed is the time for each of the flowers
To wither, to die, to rot in the end.

Watching The Clock


Safer than me, is the needle of the clock under the glass
Ticking along its own path, no obstacle and no stop
My life is ticking away like the needle going round and round
I watch from my bed, I watch the clock
The numbers mock me as the clock strikes each
Tick and a tock and my heart starts to race
I know my end is near and I know I am running out of time
So much left unsaid, so much still left to do
I believe in Him to grant me days
To grant me more chimes of the clock
The merciless fate doesnt listen and aggravates my agony
My miseries know no limits as my time comes
My daughters and my sons crying for me to stop
But I cant, my feet just wont stop
I let go as I am tired, I am tired.
I really give up. I do.

If Only I Could, I Would.


Turn back the wheels of time as I sit astride the carriage of fate
I could feel the sand passing from my closed fist
The feeling of losing everything that I was left with
Trying to save what was breaking, my life as I knew it
If only I could, I would.

Rebuild what was turning into ruins
The rains lashing against my broken house
I stand in the middle of the catastrophe
I watch as he steps away from me
Quick, steady steps into oblivion as I watch
I cry, I shout, I beg to be heard
He smiles, he waves but he does not stop
I wanted to stop him
If only I could, I would.

Looking at my family, all shattered and torn
To wash away their wounds and scars
Dry away their tear stained faces
Kiss away the pain, wash away the misery
He left and he took the light with him
Leaving behind us, all exposed and vulnerable
With no walls around us
I wanted to build that wall again, more strong than ever
If only I could, I would.

Miss you Papa. Really I do. We all do.

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