Its Not Easy Being Me


I am weary of you, I am tired too

Something with time, a tiff maybe?

Its negligible in your eyes

But I see the smoke, I feel the burns

I take the hits, and I pass the storm

Alone

Its a hut, of memories, stashed together

But I live here, revisiting them, memorising them

A blueprint in my mind

A gentle caress against the brutal waiting

Its not easy being me, I say it now

I do not know my limits and yet I never break.

 

Age


Slowing down in the race

Breathless

Running too long, have come too far

One way ahead, the eternal bed

At the top of my head, I will engrave my epitaph

It will read

“I was life bound, but now I am at peace”

 

Different Paths


I am the four walls and you are the open field

Choke on my staleness while you are the intense summer breeze

You carve the path, I try to follow the lead

And yet I lose the way, at every turn that we meet.

You go on to touch the horizon but I am a dead end

There is rain your side, I have the barren lands

I am the withered lily and you are the blooming rose

Different paths and yet parallel we go!

 

A Repetition, maybe?


Oh, its time.

One eye on the clock and the other on you.

“Its time to say goodbye.” you smile.

I smile.

Its time.

Like a thief, stolen moments

The last moments.

Alas! You cant stay.

So its time to say goodbye.

To you, to me?

A hug, a tug at my heart

Hoping you wont, knowing that you will

Go.

So its time for me to dust off my shoes and be off.

For we are out of time.

 

 

Expect? 


Why do we see the world as we want to see it?

Through a sieve, filtering it 

Bleak sunlight, passing along 

From the closed window 

Dim, dark, dull shadows 

My companions 

So why expect the dullness to lure in joy? 

To speak out the cheer of the season 

Exposing the dim, why expect? 

Why live life, based on a whim? 

Life Is Dark?


In response to https://shifanaseerpoems.wordpress.com/2016/10/12/breaking-away/ , an interesting conversation in poetry between fellow poets.

It doesn’t have to end
put an effort, initially,
perhaps pretend,
missing fortitude, lend
push and shove,
for time to bend,
make beloved understand,
like a lone lily in the mud,
courage in the blood,
saviour’s embrace in the flood,
don’t run away, godsend,
let destiny make amends,
hold feeble trembling hand,
kiss shy burning lips,
before the night falls,
before the sun dips,
for the one last time
let’s pass time,
Azrael will be knocking soon

It’s a fantasy
A ghost in the night
Hoping that beloved will take pity
And come home to me
Why do you hold on?
It might hurt you too.
Isn’t letting go easy?

being a lost soul
and seeing an empty bowl
has been a way,
where earth is charred,
teary lonely day,
why waste the pink
soft tears, on unlucky deers
of hope which ran away,
stay, on green summer grass
lay, let the words be softly etched on
red clay, and blue of seas, feel breeze
of destiny bay, this is your day,
if you want it to be

It’s an autumn mid day
It’s dry and it’s cold
The chill spreads to my heart
Numbing me
Oblivious to pain
Pouring out the sense of loss
giving up is what he deserves
If keeping me alive isn’t what they want

Let’s not make others
the cause, and effect,
becoming a defect
in the heart,
seek courage,
and a brand new,
Shining, glittering,
flirting, flattering start,
sharpen soul dart, aim high
before the eyes dry,
you will find
front or behind,
whatever you wish for

Wish is hope
And hope is scary
Something which disappears in a puff of smoke
Fire in the heart
Ashes made of the love’s dart
Shining, glittering you say?
Flattering start is deceptive
Round the corner lies your betrayal.

Why live for expectation,
Insinuation, abrupt determination,
the worse will come,
thousand arrows and some,
will pass the blood muscle,
life is a hustle, be a heartthrob
before being robbed, rob,
stop the sob, leap and be delirious,
young and bold, why so serious,
enjoy to the fullest,
each moment is the dullest,
when counting the eggs,
in life’s powder keg,
have the longest lean legs,
run before he cries, begs,
for another night of dreams

Dreams haunt the sleep away
What can I rob?
We are all beggars
Leap of faith, aye
Scrolling down to their deaths
The lot doesn’t enjoy
They wait. Wait for nothingness
Each moment is dull
Broken.
By fate. Splintered. By destiny
Hate fills my heart
Heart rejected; heart given away
Blood in my eyes, for revenge
I do not expect
Does life expect me?

My dear, disheartened,
dreading life,
there is silver line,
shine, and dine,
on the sorrows felt,
ice will melt,
destiny will tilt,
separating blood and silt,
you and I are built,
to prolong the pain,
until the sane become insane,
laugh in dancing rain,
forget memory lane,
kiss the moment mad,
and let yourself go

Silver lining surrounds the grey clouds
Murky, rain laden clouds
The lightening shrieks in my ears
Bolts confine
Destiny will never tilt
Stubborn as it is.
Ice is here to stay
Prolonging the numbness and the pain.
Insanity is the edge i have reached
And so
The memory lane is gone
Forgotten
With the sands of time

the poor soul tries,
for not letting this hope die,
heart cries, blood and gore,
eyes are sore
to see you this way suffering

Soul is sinful so it suffers
It’s a conspiracy, my friend
To drown in ones own pool of tears
Heart has gone numb
There are no more cries
Hope has died
For defeat reins whole

Sins are fine,
have some wine,
hope cooked, we dine,
numb spines, cross all the lines,
and elate in ecstasy,
intimacy and escape,
demon’s long drapes,
of despair and death,
have some faith,
and madly jump to
momentary joy,
life is coy,
peaks when least expected

I do not agree, Sire
For it is not so simple
One breath after another
Takes greater courage
Than holding on to hope
Which doesn’t provide escape

Let you be there,
perhaps once you dare,
destiny will care,
happiness returns fair,
life will again bear,
fruits of being free,
we agree to disagree,
can not help,
will not plea
I let you be.

We agree to disagree
Cannot pull me free
Bound to hopeless longing
Destiny will never care
I will hear your plea
But it’s better that you let me be!

 

Its always a pleasure when you get to do slam poetry with a fellow poet who matches every line that you throw at them. The above poem is a result of it. The bold text is mine and the simple one is https://abozdar.wordpress.com/ .

Enjoy!

Thank you https://abozdar.wordpress.com/ It was fun.

My Theory


I was just thinking and while thinking I started thinking about how people keep on whining about that fact that “People always disappoint”. I say that is not true.

We disappoint ourselves. Let me explain why.

You wake up. You make a plan in your head about doing something with your friends that day. While in the shower you imagine and plan all the conversations you will have with them and how much fun you will have gossiping or discussing some topic you wanted to know their opinions on. By the time you are ready and have had your breakfast you have also decided where you will have lunch and what everyone will order. You walk out the front door with a smile that everything is sorted.

However, life comes in your way.

Everyone does the same thing you do, only the choices are different.

The day goes downhill as soon as you meet your friends and they have their own plans chalked out for the day with you. You disappoint them with your own plan and vice versa. No one is happy. Only because we cannot control our thinking and our imagination, we end up being miserable.

Does that make sense or have I started making sense?

 

Lazy Cats of the Season 


  
Right outside the main door of my house, I found these two. They were restricting my way and so I cancelled the plan to leave home altogether. Such is the phobia. 

Anyway, they seemed cute and meowed back when I meowed at them. Were they telling me to fuck off? I am not sure! 😂

Lazy home days. 

#thatswhatIwanttodo 

Too Many Changes


One thing that hasnt changed about me ever since I can remember is the fact that

I HATE CHANGE.

I hate it. I do not buy the crap that change is good. I may consider the gradual change where you have time to adapt to situations and deal with them subsequently in your own time. But No!!! My changes are sudden, jaw-dropping, mind-fucking changes that make me all unstable and edgy even about the good changes.

Changes scare me and I do not want anything to change but lately it feels as if I am holding the slippery sand in my hands and I know that soon I might run out of sand.

Then there is another question which springs out of this over-thinking process.

So what if the sand runs out? Will it really be that bad?

I dont have an answer to those questions and hence my google history has searches like:

How to not break down

Music to calm the mind

How to accept sudden changes in life

2016-10-04

Yes, I have finally joined the league of the insane.

#totallyfedupofcoping #needabreak