Hearing stories of misery from other people like me
Stuck in a loop of a memory frame, longing for things that they’re never going to get back
They tell me tales of sorrow, my heart cries for them and it cries for me
I see the world for what it is, a sorrowful place with pockets of happiness
I am afraid I may have used up all my pockets, and now I am in a cloud of misery
Listening to people in their clouds, hoping you could make it better
Hoping, that time would turn back and I could fix what I did wrong
Writing has lost its flavour, I do not feel it in me that a piece is good
I have lost the sense of contentment I used to find in words
Maybe I changed last June, maybe I broke.
Where do I begin, where do I begin to tell you my story
I was more than just a blog, I was more than words
I had a smile, and a sparkle in my eyes
I had love, I had patience to love and I would forgive
And then all was wiped clean, something went wrong
Like pulling a plug
All I want is to escape, to escape to a fairy land where I can be me
I won’t have a burden on my chest, where people won’t leave me.
Not a victim but a survivor, I have many stories to share in my brief lifetime
The only one that a recall is a teary eyed girl typing away on a white screen.
The day you left, a part of me died
You didn’t take any part of me in your memories, I know
But some I gave you, those will never return.
The death took a toll on me, I broke in half
Like the waning of the Moon, the darkness descended slowly
After you left, it was a night, gradually turning into a nightmare
One I had hoped I would never live to see.
Live I did, survive I did.
What fate had for me, I took it and I took to my face.
In my dreams, I see you and things are okay.
Tell me someday, when you get time, that you were gone even before I had known
That love cannot be enough to hold people down.
I am tired of mourning the past, now that I recall, you did warn me that things wouldn’t last
I was naive, I should’ve known that time will play it’s trick and you’ll be gone.
I would pick up the pieces left behind, puncture my fingers and let them bleed
And watch myself as the world turns red, in your absence.
It stings, it’s cold, it is everything I had hoped
You deserve a proper farewell, with pain in my eyes and scraps in my hands
Holding what is left of the past, a ghost town of memories
Abandoned by my will, left by my resolve
Nothing was worth the pain, it was all a lie. Nothing could convince me that there was a world going by
I was a universe in myself had you seen
I was enough for both of us, if only you knew
But time is gone, the mirror has cracked. I sit wondering if it ever will go back.
Little things matter
From a reckless smile to unconditional strangeness
Wasting time, thinking of you in little spaces
In my mind, I repeat. Little things matter.
No wonder you left, I was so boring.
Who wanted boring when life was on a silver platter
Who wanted distance when life was knocking at the door.
I was so boring, I put my conscience to sleep.
But little things matter. I keep reminding myself. Things that are close to me, reminders of something, someone
Miles between us will not reduce the affection, the love and now a tinge of bitterness
A perfect recipe for heartburn.
But little things matter.
Yesterday I found your photo in one of my dairies
It was a brief pause between collecting my things
The photo wasn’t mine and neither did it belong to me anymore
From a distant time, another me had a photo similar
I threw it out, and I felt lighter.
I still am left with the burden of your memories, of the time spent together. And yet yesterday was a move.
It was a start.