I am where I am supposed to be.
Happy Birthday, Shifa. You can no longer call yourself a silly, old thing. You’re 26 now. Its edging towards 30. While I know that age is just a number and everything that goes with that philosophy, I can’t help but reflect that life has passed me by as I was eyeing things that were beyond my line of sight.
I am okay. Better than usual at least. There are new people to meet, new faces to greet. Faces that make me feel better about life, something that had been missing for a while.
I am not sure about this yet, because I don’t want to tempt life, but maybe the dark cloud is lifting. Maybe, the vision is clearer. I am sorry I cannot get more specific than that.
It’s been a while since I have introspected but this moment comes once a year and I want to make the most of it. And yet, when it is time to write, I am coming up blank.
Let’s see.
I am reunited with blue lays. Sort of.
I love the colour red still. Love balloons too, but I see them less often now. I LOVE FRIES. Have I said that they feel like warm hugs? Yes, they do.
There is no KFC that I can have on this side of the world. But thats something I can compromise on. Maybe. We will have to see.
I am moving on fine. The heart is still, most of the days. And I like the calm. It is new, scary but exciting.
As for my weight, I have lost some, but thats okay, I will get better at it because health comes first, I suppose. Mum would be proud to hear me say that.
It’s been a year since lockdown, much has changed, and yet it feels like nothing really has. I am still in lockdown, I still cut the cake, I was still made to sit and sung Happy Birthday to.
There is a rainbow that I see from where I stand. It has long hair, and loves analogue watches, has a sweet tooth, much more than my liking. But that is okay too. It is colourful, and I see red when I see the rainbow in the sun, or is it rain? I cannot tell.
My eyesight is weak, the rainbow seems blurry but I see it from afar. And that is where I stand.
There is a new found love for snow, softly falling to the ground, engulfing me in its quietness.
I do not feel sorry for myself, if I may be so bold to say. I am stronger/number than before and it makes all the difference while coping with stuff life throws at you.
LOL, I know these are fragmented thoughts and thoughts I would not otherwise say. But see if you survive this year, I will see you next year with more crap being sold as wisdom that comes with age.
xoxo
P.S. I see you took your own advice. Good job. Next time, earn a lot of money, okay? Let me know how it works out for you.
Shifa Naseer 