Memory Game


You can play the memory game

You can cut off all ties, forget my name

But I’ll remember you, fondly

All the days and all the smiles, all the lessons and all the tears

I’ll hold dear, for my smile, when with you, used to be real.

Prisoner of a Broken Mind


Usually it starts with a thought and end up as a few lines on this blog.

Not much thought goes into writing. No revisits, edits or changes. It’s not worth going back.

However, it’s an important day tomorrow. It’s February 15. Once a day of joy, it’s a reminder of a loss we once suffered, the sting of which doesn’t seem to abate.

Khair.

Flowers lose their scent with time, the clouds shed the rain and move on, the day trespasses into the night and life goes on.

What doesn’t change is the horror which seems to raise its head from time to time, reminding me of the futility of all my efforts.

Life lost, altered, and became a burden, breathing slowed, more laboured, I knew death had come knocking

Panic, I stand by the door, hooded figure in mind, pushing me aside, it was not my time yet

Around, it looked and zeroed in, that one, it said. And gliding forward, took his hand in my mind and beckoned him to follow

Screams erupted around me, was it me? I couldn’t tell, there was a ringing in my ears and I did hear one last draw of breath before darkness took over.

Just like that, in my mind, my world was blank.

What would I do with career discussions to be great, a big house and a fancy car. All this faded away as soon as the darkness took centre stage.

Since then, it’s been a struggle to remember, to try and keep alive the spark that once lit my home.

A memory game, a battle already lost to time and age.

I will fight against the odds and I will remember but at what cost?

Someday, I will make peace with the absence that I feel, someday I will find that missing piece.

Every action stemmed from that empty corner which I yearned to fill with your presence but you were gone. I called but you were far away, separated by a thin veil

One which I couldn’t break, were you being held there or was it me on this side, a prisoner of my broken mind.

Replaceable


I have thoughts and thoughts have meaning, meaning makes me wonder and wonder makes me cringe.

Transient feelings woven on a bed of lies. No, not lies, but hope, a benefit of doubt.

It’s haunting to relive every day the pain, the pain that I try to evade every day

Its haunting to see, that you could live without me. Anyway, it’s all up to fate, in the end we are nothing but names

Past comes knocking one day, and I didn’t open the door. I’m afraid to see the eyes that once were full of love

Now stare at me, empty, telling me I’m replaceable.

It’s Rude To Intrude


Like an intruder, love comes into your life, unannounced

Rude to intrude, it steers the wheel away from you

And just like that, you’re in the backseat, watching your life pass you by

Smiling as you keep giving in, bending further, till your knees hit the floor

Broken.

Love doesn’t come into your life, it’s thrusted upon you

Here, carry it, hold on to it and until you feel it multiply like virus

And soon, your cells are little love cells filling your heart with a false sense of fulfillment

A lie coated with your favourite milk chocolate wrapped around a crisp cookie.

Yourself


Love sticks together, it cannot be split

One emotion for one person

I’ve never had it

For it was for you, always for you

Loving self, what is that?

I never knew what I could give until I had given it away

If I love you, I cannot love me

So to love me, do I have to let you go?

Sunsets


To all the betrayals I faced, a goodbye

To the memories, I bid adieu

Done with the soppy attitude, I take the power from you

I will be free of the invisible shackles

Metal sliding on metal, I will break free

Walk into the sunsets, towards the horizon, happy or not, but the misery will end.