So I just got the notification that I completed another year of blogging. I tend to forget the dates usually, as we all are aware of! I want to feel happy but I am just passive about this. Even though I am glad, I am just … Lost.
How many times am I supposed to rant out here for something that life did to me? I mean every one of the readers on my blog must be thinking that this girl is so whiny! I am not! I just freak out about every bad thing that happens to me and then I need to vent it out somewhere, since I dont like speaking out loud about my feelings.
Break this wall of survival, if you please
I am tired of you acting all weird with me
Somewhere along the path you will realise
That you left me alone, far behind
And when you see I am no longer there
You will feel sad, you will feel fear
The little pockets of wonder that I carry
Are spilt on the floor
Scattered like tiny drops of dew
Not enough to collect again
Those Small wonders that I so cherished, Gone!
Eid Mubarak, papa.
Eid Mubarak, Bysa Papa.
Eid Mubarak, Khala.
Thats all I feel like writing right now. Its a lousy day anyway. I am away from family and the whole point of Eid is food which I dont have as anything that is not made by my mom doesnt come up to the level of calling it food.
I miss so many things today.
I waited long enough, the limit has been crossed
You left me alone and let me rot, I always waited on that very spot
The spooky garden has haunted me for long, and now I turn away for nothing is worth waiting for!
She wailed and she cried to be taken back
She couldnt come to you, she has lost her way
Her memory has faded, of those rooms and hallways
The pathway where she first rode her bike, too afraid of the harsh road outside
Her shadow in the backward was huge where she used to take refuge
Her memory jar, the only place she ever found peace, she am sorry she left
And now you moved on, her last harbour is gone.
Tiny rays of hope, bringing light and smiles along
Little dimpled cheeks light up the faces that look forlorn
Like spring to a parched land, like water to a thirsty man
Night lights in the dark, awakens the dead soul with a spark
Like the breath of fresh air, it stirs life
Sprouting joy where none could be found
The anticipation, the excitement, the happiness is boundless
When these Small Wonders are expected, the journey seems endless!
I hold nothing back, I just dont hide
Life is like a book, blank and open wide
Ink that I use, is the blood that I choose
About life and more about life!
Yet the pages are blank, hopelessly spotless!
I havent written a poem for a long time now. Its a dry spell. I am distracted and its not helping. I need to write and write to get a grip on myself. I seem to be slipping away into oblivion. And its not upto me to stop myself. My anchor is broken.
Last year, on 5th September, I posted on this blog about Dad. He was a teacher too, almost all his life. It used to be a very special day for him. Now each year, melting into another, all I have left of my father are memories and yearly blogposts. Even as it sounds silly, its saddening for me that I have been deprived of things that I used to value.
I used to make fun of dad when I was a little child that he doesnt know anything! Ofcourse I didnt understand the value of a PhD from IIT 🙈. Yea, now when I remember it, it makes me feel really stupid!
So yet another year gone by without Dad by my side.
I dont know how many years will it take for my posts to get shorter, my memories about him weaker, and my longing for him will eventually fade. Its been 5 long years without him.
So with that depressing thought …
Happy Teacher’s Day, Dad!