You can play the memory game
You can cut off all ties, forget my name
But I’ll remember you, fondly
All the days and all the smiles, all the lessons and all the tears
I’ll hold dear, for my smile, when with you, used to be real.
Happy Birthday
Wherever you are, I hope
You are at peace, something you missed
In your life on Earth.
Prisoner of a Broken Mind
Usually it starts with a thought and end up as a few lines on this blog.
Not much thought goes into writing. No revisits, edits or changes. It’s not worth going back.
However, it’s an important day tomorrow. It’s February 15. Once a day of joy, it’s a reminder of a loss we once suffered, the sting of which doesn’t seem to abate.
Khair.
Flowers lose their scent with time, the clouds shed the rain and move on, the day trespasses into the night and life goes on.
What doesn’t change is the horror which seems to raise its head from time to time, reminding me of the futility of all my efforts.
Life lost, altered, and became a burden, breathing slowed, more laboured, I knew death had come knocking
Panic, I stand by the door, hooded figure in mind, pushing me aside, it was not my time yet
Around, it looked and zeroed in, that one, it said. And gliding forward, took his hand in my mind and beckoned him to follow
Screams erupted around me, was it me? I couldn’t tell, there was a ringing in my ears and I did hear one last draw of breath before darkness took over.
Just like that, in my mind, my world was blank.
What would I do with career discussions to be great, a big house and a fancy car. All this faded away as soon as the darkness took centre stage.
Since then, it’s been a struggle to remember, to try and keep alive the spark that once lit my home.
A memory game, a battle already lost to time and age.
I will fight against the odds and I will remember but at what cost?
Someday, I will make peace with the absence that I feel, someday I will find that missing piece.
Every action stemmed from that empty corner which I yearned to fill with your presence but you were gone. I called but you were far away, separated by a thin veil
One which I couldn’t break, were you being held there or was it me on this side, a prisoner of my broken mind.
Replaceable
I have thoughts and thoughts have meaning, meaning makes me wonder and wonder makes me cringe.
Transient feelings woven on a bed of lies. No, not lies, but hope, a benefit of doubt.
It’s haunting to relive every day the pain, the pain that I try to evade every day
Its haunting to see, that you could live without me. Anyway, it’s all up to fate, in the end we are nothing but names
Past comes knocking one day, and I didn’t open the door. I’m afraid to see the eyes that once were full of love
Now stare at me, empty, telling me I’m replaceable.
It’s Rude To Intrude
Like an intruder, love comes into your life, unannounced
Rude to intrude, it steers the wheel away from you
And just like that, you’re in the backseat, watching your life pass you by
Smiling as you keep giving in, bending further, till your knees hit the floor
Broken.
Love doesn’t come into your life, it’s thrusted upon you
Here, carry it, hold on to it and until you feel it multiply like virus
And soon, your cells are little love cells filling your heart with a false sense of fulfillment
A lie coated with your favourite milk chocolate wrapped around a crisp cookie.
Yourself
Love sticks together, it cannot be split
One emotion for one person
I’ve never had it
For it was for you, always for you
Loving self, what is that?
I never knew what I could give until I had given it away
If I love you, I cannot love me
So to love me, do I have to let you go?
Sunsets
To all the betrayals I faced, a goodbye
To the memories, I bid adieu
Done with the soppy attitude, I take the power from you
I will be free of the invisible shackles
Metal sliding on metal, I will break free
Walk into the sunsets, towards the horizon, happy or not, but the misery will end.
