I remember when I was little and dad was still alive
Its a vague memory, but its one I cannot erase from my mind
I remember when life took a drastic turn, endless hospital trips, never ending lines of pills
I remember dad going bald, shedding his hair, going pale, thin as stick, fragile
I remember keeping my distance, for fear of hurting him, he was so weak
I was 11.
I remember the remission days, when things seemed almost normal
Life was somewhat back on track, smiles kind of returned to our home
I remember when he collapsed again, I remember the pain that life will just be a repetition of that shock
I was 14.
I remember when it was the final goodbye, the last breath
I remember my mother telling me that we are at the end of the road
That the answers were given, judgment was passed and I denied
I denied the truth so badly, that I forgot to say goodbye.
I was 15.
I remember the crushing defeat, I still recall those moments when the ground slipped from under my feet and I fell
I fell down a deep, dark hole, with nothing to hold on to
But fake smiles, and a pat on my own back to keep moving forward
Stopping and falling apart was not an option that was offered
I remember my mother getting my uniform ready a week after things fell apart
And I remember walking into my classroom with all eyes on me, boring holes in the back of my head, waiting for me to snap
So I remember smiling, smiling back at concerned faces, smiling to elate them
And forget about my own pain, I remember going gaga on everything
I remember shutting down, I still remember the taste of the misery nine years down the road.
Yes, its that day again.
Another poem to mark a milestone, to keep the conversation alive, to keep him alive
May 16.
