Where do we go from here?


We are at crossroads, the path ahead is split, one for you and one for me

Is it the way its supposed to be? I wonder,

Where do we go from here?

I’d like to believe, I’d like to reflect on our journey so far

That its easy to surrender and difficult to stay apart

Even if we were to give, all our love for the one direction

That will lead me to you, and you to me

So where do we go from here?

All crossroads, and paths that diverge only ways I have never seen

All I know you traverse through one, and I want to walk that path

I want to know where to go but can you be so sure

I want to surrender to the wishes of a dying heart

Where do we go from here?

Heartbreak, lies in the next few steps of our lives

Want to carry the pain? Want to share the disdain?

Come, walk with me, so we can forever be free

Where do we go from here

Here, where our lives just merge

Something as easy as breathing, our lives entwined into one trail of love.

Thats where I want to go, I will choose that path, but will you follow?

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Sometimes, it’s hard


Sometimes, its hard to be a girl

Holding on to the life lessons that mommy dear showers on you

Learning to kill your wishes, early on, learning to suffocate and still breathe

Sometimes, you dream, and you hope that they will understand, and let you be free

From the bondage, the purpose of which is something you dont understand

Sometimes, its hard to be what they want you to be

An epitome of an illusion, just to feed their gigantic ego, control over your body, your thoughts and your voice

Sometimes, its hard to be a woman

Being told who to love, and how to hold that love

Proprietary, its necessary to be graceful

Self-grooming to the point of torture for the male gaze, to maintain the illusion of perfection

Yes, women breathe,they get hurt, they get hungry and fart too

Hiding behind the walls, when its “that time of the month”, when the Moon is blood red

And you are told to hide, behind your mother and the lies

Sometimes, its hard to be a woman

Giving everything you have for someone else

Living your life as if its a borrowed thing from others

Spending each day, repaying the favour

“We let you go to study…we let you follow your dreams…we were kind to you…” Until you get dizzy from disgust

Sometimes, its hard to smile and tell them its okay, that you are fine

Caring about their feelings, as if you do not really matter

Sometimes, its hard to be a mother, another word for sacrifice

Giving up everything you have for someone else’s heritage

Sacrificing your body, cutting yourself open to let another person be born after months of agony

Only to repeat the cycle of life.

Sometimes, its hard to be me, with so many resentments, so much anger

Sometimes, its just hard.

Writing a Masterpiece


I wanted to write a masterpiece, so I wrote about you

I wanted to form words that would blur the world for me, so I threw some light on you

I am no stranger to pain, so I painted my sorrows, and you

I started writing my masterpiece, started writing about you

I thought a lot about me, and I wondered a lot about you

I wanted the pain to go away, so I poured it all on paper, and you

I wrote about my masterpiece, which was all about you.

 

You became my muse, when I wanted to shine too

A little drought had set me back, but you were my rain, a lightening strike too’

Its not easy to weave words, and express feelings, but it was you and I just knew

You were my muse, my muse for the masterpiece I wanted to write ever since I met you

Little do I think about about I, its always been about you

I wanted to move the world with my words, jumble them together, bend them to my will

Take your breath away, I wanted such a masterpiece

 

Dreams are lies, words are hollow, and time is a trick

Distance is real, as real as the wounds, fresh from a fall

I wanted to tell the world about my pain, about my sorrows, I wanted them to cry for me

For my dreams were lies and my words mean little and time has tricked me so

That no matter how much I wrote, the world didn’t move, the world didn’t cry

No one saw what I went through, no one knows I am dying inside

So I decided to write a masterpiece, about you and about me

About the times spent together, a time which feels more real than my reality today

My masterpiece, my dream, my words for you.

 

Dawn


I remember when I was little and dad was still alive

Its a vague memory, but its one I cannot erase from my mind

I remember when life took a drastic turn, endless hospital trips, never ending lines of pills

I remember dad going bald, shedding his hair, going pale, thin as stick, fragile

I remember keeping my distance, for fear of hurting him, he was so weak

I was 11.

I remember the remission days, when things seemed almost normal

Life was somewhat back on track, smiles kind of returned to our home

I remember when he collapsed again, I remember the pain that life will just be a repetition of that shock

I was 14.

I remember when it was the final goodbye, the last breath

I remember my mother telling me that we are at the end of the road

That the answers were given, judgment was passed and I denied

I denied the truth so badly, that I forgot to say goodbye.

I was 15.

I remember the crushing defeat, I still recall those moments when the ground slipped from under my feet and I fell

I fell down a deep, dark hole, with nothing to hold on to

But fake smiles, and a pat on my own back to keep moving forward

Stopping and falling apart was not an option that was offered

I remember my mother getting my uniform ready a week after things fell apart

And I remember walking into my classroom with all eyes on me, boring holes in the back of my head, waiting for me to snap

So I remember smiling, smiling back at concerned faces, smiling to elate them

And forget about my own pain, I remember going gaga on everything

I remember shutting down, I still remember the taste of the misery nine years down the road.

Yes, its that day again.

Another poem to mark a milestone, to keep the conversation alive, to keep him alive

May 16.

Hole


Its an empty hole, you told me not to fill

My mind wanders on its own, a term called explore

I watch as the hole grows bigger and bigger until it stands tall over me

Watching as I crumble and I wait

And you did ask me to wait for you

So the clock ticks, and I tick with it

Its mocking me, you are not coming it seems to be saying

Didnt you say, you would? I remember you saying you would

But the hole keeps growing, words are losing all meaning

As I lose my sense with it

Children with fathers


I wonder what they dream about, those children with fathers

If not for that one face, watching over as you grow

What do they dream about?

If not for those bedtime stories, goodnight hugs

What do they yearn for?

If not for the well-deserved pat on the back, whether you fail or pass

What do they ask for?

Those children with fathers, fathers to love, to call out and get an answer

What do they seek, if not for the pleasure of saying the word, Dad?

I wonder, if they know what they have

I wonder, if they cherish what we do not have

Children without fathers, lost without the protective embrace

No one to have our backs, no patting, no stories, no warm hugs

Children without fathers, depressed souls, seeking validation from other children with fathers

I wonder if they know that we see them longingly, hoping to have what they have

Knowing that the pleasure is lost to them, aware that what was will never be

If I could tell you, I would remind you to cherish what you have

Children with fathers, blessed are you to not have known despair of this kind

Children without fathers, miserable wretches, finding solace in dreams about the faces they long to see

I wonder, what they dream about?

Those children who have fathers.

Ban


I was born,my mother held me to her breast

Nursing me, cuddling me, telling me she loved me

Hope in her eyes, to give me everything that was denied to her.

Little do the dreamers know, that fate is out to get you

As I grew, the walls around me grew too

I was a girl, in a man’s world.

Back in the day, I loved wearing skirts

It was banned for fear of odd eyes oogling my fair skin

I loved letting my hair down, play with the wind

It was banned for who knew who would get entangled in my tresses

I loved to run, to play out of my house with other beings my age

It was banned for the fear of an unfavourable eye, touch, or worse, an insult

As I grew older, the confinement grew with me

Years have passed, the restrictions have not left me yet

Though, I breathe in air which is less dense in norms

I feel the prickle of the ban, that I overthrew, somewhat

Mind is fickle, it has been trained, it will take time

But I will take my sweet time to burn free from the ropes

I do not want another ban, banning my restrictions