Somehow Seen


Somehow she managed to smile, to look peaceful on the outside when there was a war inside.

Somehow she made everyone’s day while hers had been marked dead, made them smile while it had been ages since she had smiled herself.

Somehow she pulled herself together when she was broken to pieces just to save others from falling apart, to make them strong, to help them hold on.

Somehow she lived each day with people who would never miss her other than the time when they needed her.

Somehow she still  lived with the truth that people only took advantage of her patience and perseverance. She still managed not to appear hurt and smile throughout.

Somehow the person who smiled and smiled, didnt feel the tears leaking from her eyes. No one saw those tears.

No one.

But me.

When I saw her tears, I fell to my knees.

Her tears were pure, they were real

She was hurt and in pain

No one saw her, no one knew her

They all claimed to be her friend but she was alone and no one realised that

Pity on her. Shame on them

When I saw her tears, my heart broke.

My pain was so sharp but it was a fraction of her pain which touched me

I died a little inside knowing her struggles, her hurdles

The sorrows she beared, the pains she took

The walk she walked, the talks she talked!

I couldnt see her this way and I turned away

Leaving her with the black shadows

Somehow she managed to live in them

Somehow she managed to remain unseen

To stay hidden

Not Me


I see the world through a veil 

A dark cloud with more dark clouds

No opening, no silver lining

I feel the presence of my former self

Emboldened by darkness, hidden by light

I see you follow me, a wrong decision indeed

I see the depth and not the beauty 

I feel the air but not purity 

This could go on and on

How long are you willing to be strong 

For I am leading you to destruction 

My destruction leading to yours

So let me go and let me be 

Take a turn, down the road 

And never look back at me 

For my path is lit with lights 

Leading and guiding me to unknown heights 

Madness


The madness is on its peak 

There is nothing that will make me believe

That love exists, that there is triumph 

That people win, that they rejoice in others victory

That they still think of others 

That they still prefer to give others better than their own

That they still hold their ground

That they dont fall or die from the load 

That there still is comradeship 

That people still value friendship 

NOthing, nothing will make me believe 

That what we live is true 

That what we have is real 

That we are not just helpless hounds 

That we all have a heart, still pure 

Nothing will make me believe 

No matter how much as my madness is on its peak

I am done and resolved 

That I shun this world 

The people who reside here 

All are liars, the lot of them 

Nothing will ever make me believe.

Not the red glare of the setting sun

Not the bright moon with its poise

Not the brilliant blue sky 

Neither the ever stretching horizon.

Nothing will ever make me believe 

That there is something real other than my madness 

 

Carpenter’s Dilemma


Carving his way through a big chunk of wood

Call it chunk now, If you must 

By the time the carpenter was through with it

It was anything but a chunk of wood

Chink, Chink as he worked his way 

Breaking, smoothing, perfecting

Each blow on the chisel, one step to triumph 

A frown, then satisfaction

An uncertainty, then a smile for a fraction

Hands rough, skin cracked

His devotion to his work, quite  

Something has him held, something he cannot see

Feels it as he stares at his nearly done work

Where would he find the missing piece?

How would he make it complete?

 

Daddy’s Promises Left Unsaid


Today is 23rd July, 2013. It is Er. Shakeel Ahmad Salman’s 18th death anniversary today. He died in the year 1995, the year I was born. He was 35 when he was killed. I wont reveal the circumstances of his death since we live in a disputed area and I dont want to end up in jail for that. So on his death anniversary, I would like to remember him and tell you what he really was. How much his death affected our family. How much we all miss him and even after 18 years, we still feel his absence.

He was my maternal Uncle. Even though I never got the chance to meet him, I have the deepest regard, love and respect for him. That is because my mother who was quite attached to him used to tell me about him. She remembers almost everything that she shared with him. He was called as ‘shakujaan’ at home. He was an electrical engineer from REC, srinagar (now known as NIT-srinagar). He was quite accomplished in his job and was on his way to a higher success had fate not intervened.

The best part about all this was that my dad, Dr. Naseer Ahmad Laway was Shakujan’s best friend since college. I am not sure if they were together in school or not but they became best of chums in college. Then dad was married to mum and their friendship flourished. 

The photo below is of Shakujan (left) and my dad (right) and was taken on 22nd July, 1995. This is the last how Shakujan looked before he died. 

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Shakujan was an obedient son, a supportive brother, an amazing father. But the tragedy struck on this day, 18 years ago when he was killed and all his endeavors were left unfulfilled. When he died, he left behind a young wife and four kids. The youngest were twins and they had just turned two. I was 3 months old. It was the first and the hardest blow to my family. We never talk about it but we all know how much better it wouldve been if he’d been alive to see his kids grow up to become such fine, young people. It is sad he never got to buy them their 18th birthday present. He couldnt be there for their first bicycle ride. He couldnt be there when his son first learned to drive. He couldnt be there when they graduated from college. He couldnt see his twins starting their school. He missed it all and we were forced to do it all without him.  

Shakujan,

We all miss you and its still not enough

The longing for you, the pain of your absence

It was cruel and it was a tragedy 

Something which is hard to live with 

Time only shows us how much we missed 

How much we lost, how much we couldve gained

By your love, with your support 

We all miss you, even after all this time

We really do!

 

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Acceptance & Denial


Some might say and some might deny 

The power we feel, the pull of gravity 

Even in the dark times,

Somewhere 

A small flame burns,

Throughout 

The night and in the misty moon light,

Reflecting

Hope, life, a journey away from evil

Keeping the shadows at bay

The power which makes the flame

To revel in its purity

The supplier of wax and the oil

The sustaining power, the echo of which reflects the big bang

The pull of the moon

The waving of the waves, the sailing of the ships

The floating of the boats

The survivor’s unanswered prayer, the strength of the weak

The hope of the lost, their determination to return 

The power we feel, you all deny

Afraid of it, scared of the power 

Die you all cowards for not being able to see

The miracle of birth and the bluntness in death 

Pity yourselves and go live your worthless lives 

For you are nothing but burden, 

The burden to those who see.

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My Favourite Book.


I did mention a few years ago about a book named “Kane And Abel” by Jeffery Archer. I salute that man for such an outstanding book about hoteliers and bankers, prejudice and rivalry. I am deeply connected to this book. I read it first time when I was 13 years old and shared it wid Dad. We both fell in love with the book. Personally, I fell in love with William Lowell Kane and Abel Rosnovski ( Wladek ). Both the characters are so strong and brutal at the same time. Kane backed Abel in money for the hotels and Abel saved Kane’s life during the war. Both were square. What I loved about the book was the love between their children, Richard and Florentyna.
Today, after reading the book again after 5 years, I must say I didnt like the ending at all. I felt sorry that Kane and Abel didnt get to talk. Because of their blind hatred and prejudice, they remained in the dark. They didnt even see their children for years because of the mutual feud.
I wanted the end to be different. I wanted Abel to know that it was Kane who backed him when he needed it. As that was the rootcause of Abel’s hatred.
I wanted them to be friends, have family dinners and end their lives in bliss of being relatives.

I wanted Abel to get back his castle. I felt awful about Abel’s awful childhood, how much he suffered in the dungeons. The Baron died rather rotted away in front of his eyes. His sister was killed so awfully. After returning to his childhood home, I wanted his mother to recognise him, to hug him, to love him. I wanted Zaphia to be more understanding and support him in his endeavours. She turned out to be aloof to his success. I didnt get her attitude. And most of all, I wanted Henry Osborne to die for all that he made Anne suffer. I felt awful about her death. She gave up all her money for Henry, the dog. He gambled it all away!  And made her pregnant even when she had been strongly advised not to. That part was not good at all.

Best part about this book was the fact that two people, born in two ends of the world with different backgrounds and stories and struggles, crossed paths in such a sinister manner and almost succeeded in ruining each other.

Abel shiuldnt have humiliated Kane in his old age by dismissing him as the Chairman of the Lester’s bank. But then Kane shouldnt have leaked the secrets about Abel’s illegal activities which were the sole doings of Osborne. Both were harsh and set to destroy each other.

I loved their inspiring way of achieving success. It almost makes me want to go for banking or hotel management. Haha. Not so easy as Mr Archer made it look.

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Nonetheless, I adore this book. Its my all time favourite and I doubt my opinion will ever change. I will hold this book in my heart forever.

Distance


Two poles, two directions, two continents
Separated by gaps like atlantic and pacific
Huge spaces, like forbidden territories
Cannot cross the deserts, cannot bridge the gaps
Thats how far we all are
Never to meet, never reach the end
Walking forever we move ahead, no coast, no oasis nothing of life to be said
Distance is too much, heat of the sun beating down on us
While we walk and walk forward with hope in our eyes
There is no end, there is no edge
We still walk, on and on
Trying to catch up, trying to lessen the distance.

He Says …


He says to be strong, he says to hold on
He says to let things go, to let it all flow
He says he will be there, forever by my side
He says that life is beautiful, I just have to open my eyes
He says that he will be my ship in the desert, help me cross it, to reach the other end
He says he will lead me in my journey, help me in my hurdles

He says to be strong, he says to hold on
He says I have a soul, too pretty for everyone to know
He says I have a heart, a heart too caring, too loving
He says he sees the good in me, when all I feel is the dark shadows holding me
He says he’s my friend and he wont leave me, that I am not alone
He says that I am real when all I see is someone else in me
He says to let it go, to claim my joy and not to lay low.

Hard To Say The Final Goodbye


Seeing you getting old, seeing the sparkle diminish from your eyes
The dark truth lying at the horizon, looming forth with the speed of light
Years passing in a rush, trying to hold on to seconds
Dreading the moment when you give up
Throw this life in our faces and go
Leave me alone and alone here to mourn
Not caring if I still needed you, nor believing if I told you
You had a mind of your own, a spirit of the moon taken on loan
Seeing you getting old day by day
Getting weak, getting feeble, getting in the way
We battle with eyes, to stay or not to stay
Mine reflecting plea, yours determined
You wont bend, neither will I
Not prepared to say the final goodbye
I refuse to accept that you are old
For me you will be the same forever,
For I am too weak to let you go
As life leaves your body, with a speed so deadly yet slow.

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Bit By Bit


I am not okay
I dont know why
I dont feel good
I just want to die

I hope you will see
I believe you will feel
I know you will regret
But today my mind is set

I am fire inside and I will burn
I am the ice and I will freeze
I am the wind and I will leave
I am the sand and I will disappear

Not Ready To Accept


I know what it is, I know why it is
My fault, my mistake
Too much of a coward to agree
To accept what I want to reject
I hate to take the responsibility
I would like to turn the wheels of time
Go back where I went wrong
Stop myself from being so headstrong
I want to change the past, to squish my heart
To apply logic, to demand patience
To check my steps, to avoid the other path
To break my back than walk that walk
I would’ve rather died than be where I am
I would’ve given up everything just to turn back time.

The Tale Of Three Brothers 4/4


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Ignotus, the third Peverell, the wise, the humble
Went away from the bridge to save himself
Hoped the invisibility cloak would work
And death would never find him again
Death with all its will, couldnt find the third Peverell
Despite his efforts, the youngest stayed hidden
Beneath the cloak, safe from death!
Years passed and Ignotus aged
And only when he was ready to part with his breath
Did he take off the invisibility cloak
Passed it on to his son, a gift from legends
Greeted death as if old friends
Together they left this world as equals.

So be humble, be wise
Keep greed and lust away from your heart
It will destroy you, feed you poison
Marr your soul, never let you be whole
You will crave, you will perish
You will want to give up, you will want to die.
But be warned for the temptations are high
Your conscience is weak, no matter how much you fight

Bits


No matter how much you try to run from what you feel, who you really are, you wont be able to avoid the end when you got to face what you were trying to run from. That day will be without doubt the scariest day of your existence, when you finally confront your fears, give vent to your feelings, accept who you are and accept others as they are.

 

Shifa Naseer

 

Ink And Paper


Take the ink, fill your pen
Jot down on paper
The last lesson learned
Every moment of hurt, of pain
Write your story with ink on paper
Make it solid, make it known
Say it all, say it now
Dont hold anything back
Refill your pen and write with ink
Known death, known sorrow
Battled pain and left you hollow
Write how it began and put into words the end
Find the will, turn feelings to words
With ink on paper
If you dont want it known
Just burn the paper and spill the ink
The last lesson learnt, made you sad
Life showed you in one round
How cruel it can be
So burn the paper and spill the ink
Drop the facade, cut off the link.

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Drowning


Let it slip, let the water slide
Beneath, above, around, beyond
Feel the silky touch, the gentle caress
Feel the ripples, the waves
Feel that stinging in your lungs
The gulping of the huge quantity
Let it twist, let it drag
Around and around and around.
No one to haul, no one to rescue
All blue, all dark
Just the harsh tug of the currents
Dragging you to the depths
Tied to the weight of your sorrows, you drown
Down to the deep, into the abyss
On and on, a bottomless pit
Thats how you drown, thats how you end.

Fade Away


Today, I decided to give up on you
This day, I let my hopes down
I gave up waiting for you
And from today, I will just fade away.
Today, I stopped counting on you
This day, I thought about me and the hurt I feel
I gave up looking out for you
From today, I finally decided to fade away

Like the wisp of smoke and mist make smog
The same way I will fade into the fog
I let you have your way till now
You never cared whether I stayed or not
Just empty words and all that lot
Foolish enough not to see it all
I walked behind you and held your ground
Now I may get selfish, I may think of my feeble soul
My endurance is gone and so is my longing
Futile it is to wait for you
Just doing myself a favour today
I will keep my dignity and just fade away.

Sing Me A Song


Sing me a song, ignite my soul
Raise me from depths, make me whole
Sing to me His praises, to restore my faith
Heal all my wounds, make me pure
Sing to me, reunite my hopes
All my wishes, bring back all my prayers
Sing me the song and I will sing along
Give me an incentive, stand my ground
My pitch will go so high and into the night
The brilliant stars dare not ignore my plight
They will hear while we prove our faith
Erupt into our melodious cry
The stars and the moon around us will dance
As you will sing me a song and I promise I will sing along.

Something Different


Dil mai qaid ik khwahish thi
Aankhon mai chupa ik khwaab
Kaliyon ki khushboo mai chupi ik daastaan thi
Honton pe dabi ik faryaad
Zulm iss qadar tha ki nahi suni kisi ne dil ki baat
Reh gayi unsuni ik baar phir, meri faryaad

Hum kehte reh gaye gam ki daastaan
Waqt ke saath saath chale gaye mere sab meherbaan
Yaadein reh gayi khokhli mere dil mai
Yaadon ka kya karein jab rahe nahi mere qadardaan.

 

shifa naseer

Shot At Urdu Poetry


Tum The Nahi

Zindagi ke utaar chadhao mai kho diya tum ko kahin
Tum kehte the saath ho mere, par kabhi saath the nahin

Hum tum se kya gila karein jab khud bhi the behosh pade
Hosh toh aata tha kabhi, par tumhare saath kabhi hosh mai the nahi

Insaan hoon, galtiyon se seekhta hoon
Aik jo galti hui mujh se, maaf karne ke liye tum yahan the nahin

Tadapte the tumhari ik nazar ke liye, socha yaadon se kaam chala lun
Par hua yeh meri kismat mai ki yaadon mai bhi tum the nahin.

This is my first attempt to write urdu poetry. I am thinking of writing in urdu as well. I hope I do. 🙂

Burning The Midnight Oil


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The light diminishing, darkness engulfing me
Surrounding me, causing me to retreat
The shadows play tricks, I shy away from them
I strike a match and light the lamp
Pour the oil and wait
Haunting my dreams, the dark reigns the room
My fears raise their heads, I bow to them
They scare me and I submit myself to them
Looking around, on my guard
I sit straight as I wait for the sun
To show its face, to end the agony
For I am burning the midnight oil by the window
Staring at the horizon for the first streak of its glow.

I Am Not A Rebel


Tired of the routine, annoyed at life
Monotonous style, no change in the passage of time
I want to tear down the walls, break down the barriers
Bring randomness, spread the disorder
I want to shake off the mundane life
Initiate the rebellion, instigate a fire
But
I wont do it,
I wont change anything
Let it all be as it is
See life through bored eyes
The same scene, the same lines
I will die the same old death planned for me
I know what will happen, my hunch I gather
I wont move a muscle to bring change
For I am not a rebel.

Flunking It


Turned rogue, hit the streets
Move in circles, to the beats
No stress, no pressure, no bondage
As we move on for rampage
Test tomorrow but who cares
On patrol, we all are
Dont want to miss this, do we?
No!  We are going to flunk it
Flunk it, Flunk it

Running around, following the sounds
The beats, the steps, as we move through the streets
As rogues, we move, we pursue
Our groups are big, even if they are few
We have to report there tomorrow
But who cares?!?
I am planning to flunk it, flunk it, flunk it