I snatched the Hope from the top shelf and threw it hard on the floor of deceit
I watched as it broke into a million pieces and heard the smash vibrate through my heart
I then took my Faith out and let it fall with equal force on the floor of lies
It splintered and shattered and shards flew across the shiny surface
I looked at the pieces glinting in the dry sunlight like diamonds
Next were my dreams, my beliefs, my convictions.
The trust I proudly wore, I took it out and broke its core.
I did not cry, I did not mourn
I just kept smashing each and everything I owned
I shattered what I could shatter, I tore what I could tear
Looking at the bare shelves of trophies I used to display
Then at the pieces on the floor, with dismay.
For there was nothing that I could do or say.
The tears that fall, the feelings I feel
The uneasy uncertainty, the unfair deals
How can I hold on when you let go?
Long back in the past, when the time moved slow
I gave up, I turned myself in!
I couldn’t let go but somehow I did
I made up a sandcastle again, intricate and high
Don’t be the cruel wave wash it away
Turning it into a mound of wet sand
Drowning my castle in mud and merging it with water and land.
I was alone and I learned to live.
I lost everything and now I have nothing to give
So dont you dare destroy what I built
Out of my tears, my feelings in sand
With sun as company for you had gone away to sea.
Preparation of ingredients for the Grand Lunch of the main day of the wedding.
Today is a very sad day. Four years ago, on 16th May, 2010 at 10:45 pm to be exact, my father died. It was a heart stopping moment, something which happened in slow motion. It was like going into shock. It felt as if my whole existence was a lie now that dad was no more in existence. Once a person dies, everything about that person starts fading away. People mourn for a day or two but its the family which carries the burden of the loss. I carry that loss. Its been four years and it still feels like yesterday when they were taking him away. It still feels the same way every time I remember about dad.
It was any other rainy day for everyone who didnt know my dad. But for me, it was a glimpse of hell. My screams still echo in my ears. I screamed to drown the cries of others who were mourning for my father. As if they knew what I was feeling. As if anyone could ever know that they not only took the body of my father but also a part of my soul.
Dad was different. I am like him in so many ways. It makes me proud and it hurts me too. I dont really say it but I miss him every day. I feel more alone with each day passing. I miss dad a lot.
I wont write any poetry for him this year. He’s gone. My life is a consequence of his death.
I am experiencing mixed feelings today. This weekend is my sister’s wedding and its my dad’s death anniversary too. I am happy and sad too. I dont know what to feel so I will just cry a little and go to bed.
15th February, 1960 to 16th May, 2010.
Heavy heart, shallow breathing, a permanent scowl
Were you ever told about the Unhappy Soul?
The cries unheard, the stories untold
The secrets that never seem to unfold
Lives they live, like slaves to fate
Deprived of joy, troubles marring their spirits
No healing, no feeling
Just monotonous numbness, something to prolong
Hating every day they live, hating every night they sleep
The wounds too fatal, the scars too deep.
They see not the sun or its light
Not the blessing of a new day
Or the beauty of the oppotunities which they slay!
The dark they worship, the dark they trust.
The dark holds them in bondage, the dark does their brainwash
They see no joy, they make no merry.
Cynical they are, negative thoughts they carry.
Unhappy Souls live like a burden to their bodies
They have no wishes, they have no peace!
In the middle of the night, when I cannot sleep
I remember you dearly, I miss you and I weep
I try to close my eyes, imagine your face
My mind comes up blank, my memories fade, leaving no trace.
In the middle of the night, I remember your death
Your pain comes alive while your face disappears
I search for you in the shadows
Every corridor of my dreams
For just a glimpse at midnight
To help me fall asleep.
In the middle of the night, your empty eyes haunt me
Those hopeless eyes, saddened by circumstances
I grasp my hands together, brace myself for the onslaught
I know its a rough night
So I weep while I try to sleep
In the middle of the night.