Usually it starts with a thought and end up as a few lines on this blog.
Not much thought goes into writing. No revisits, edits or changes. It’s not worth going back.
However, it’s an important day tomorrow. It’s February 15. Once a day of joy, it’s a reminder of a loss we once suffered, the sting of which doesn’t seem to abate.
Flowers lose their scent with time, the clouds shed the rain and move on, the day trespasses into the night and life goes on.
What doesn’t change is the horror which seems to raise its head from time to time, reminding me of the futility of all my efforts.
Life lost, altered, and became a burden, breathing slowed, more laboured, I knew death had come knocking
Panic, I stand by the door, hooded figure in mind, pushing me aside, it was not my time yet
Around, it looked and zeroed in, that one, it said. And gliding forward, took his hand in my mind and beckoned him to follow
Screams erupted around me, was it me? I couldn’t tell, there was a ringing in my ears and I did hear one last draw of breath before darkness took over.
Just like that, in my mind, my world was blank.
What would I do with career discussions to be great, a big house and a fancy car. All this faded away as soon as the darkness took centre stage.
Since then, it’s been a struggle to remember, to try and keep alive the spark that once lit my home.
A memory game, a battle already lost to time and age.
I will fight against the odds and I will remember but at what cost?
Someday, I will make peace with the absence that I feel, someday I will find that missing piece.
Every action stemmed from that empty corner which I yearned to fill with your presence but you were gone. I called but you were far away, separated by a thin veil
One which I couldn’t break, were you being held there or was it me on this side, a prisoner of my broken mind.