My blog is my kingdom and words are my subjects
It’s an interesting thing, a dream
A world spun out of desire and yearning
A little bit of suffering, and a little bit of hope
It’s a raw idea of your escape
Your utopia where you are immortal
Your dream. That one thought
Feeling like Alexander felt on his conquests
The euphoria.
But there’s a reason it’s called a dream
It’s a dream, like a horizon
Ever present to the eye, but never seems too close
How can it be? It’s just a dream.
How dare you think it’s within your reach?
There is nothing beyond the valley of sand
Just some more sand, when you thought it was the end
This is the end.
It’s the same as it was before, and the beginning and everything else in between
This is it. No fountain of youth, no streams of cold, blissful water
Only dry, dry land. Like a parched throat
The climb, the walk isn’t worth it you know
The view is what you get at the bottom of the well
The blue sky, ever stretching, ever out of reach.
Grief is gnawing at my heart today, so many losses, so much pain.
It’s hard, but real. It’s unseen but it’s there.
I cannot fathom why I must go through suffering
One which sets my teeth on edge
Makes my head spin, recoil, and turn to mush
Comprehending why is it like whatever it is.
I am tired, I am sad and the feelings dont seem to pass with time
It has stopped, forever, for me.
In this moment of grief, woe to me and woe to you
For listening my tale of terrible, terrible grief.
My failures are many, more is my failure of being in the public eye
To have my feet cut off from under me
To have me pulled down, being dragged with the currents
Drowning, the people point and turn and tell and whisper
Poor little girl.
What is love for me, you ask?
A laugh, a smile, a hug is all
An embrace, the comfort, that it will be okay
Is what love is for me, I say.
One person in the crowd, at one point in life
Will make you see, the stars above the canopy
Make you wonder, whta life could be.
Ignite a fire, like a dying star
Lay low the darkness, the dull, dull mind.
Fireworks as they say in the movies
Love is ideal, it is a fantasy
One which you live, once, can never go back to reality
Utopia, it’s surreal, is what love is.
It’s dark, it hurts, it burns me through
I am ash, oh I am waning like the morning moon
It’s dull it’s dusk, it’s dark in my soul
It impure, it’s a cancer
It’s killing me for sure.
I need escape, I see water
I see blood, I see an end.
Love, what have you done?
With death, a pact, sold my soul
Oh love, I am undone.
This unnerving turn that life is taking
Too many risks, one heart on the line
One would hold her breath, if not for the pain in her chest
Anticipation, fear, loss is looming on the horizon
The sun may set soon, but I have yet to tell my tale of woe.
It’s the last day, it’s time to say the final words
It’s a closed study, there is no forever happy
Its the bend in the road, its a thorn in my side
But does it have to be?
Can it not be a desert, ever stretching
But with a promise of an end?
Can it not be a river running parallel to land, destined to meet somewhere?
Can it not be, what I wish it to be?
Dare I hope? Dare I lay bare my desires which I cherish enough to hide from the dark, dark world?
I stand at the precipice, hoping for a push
The edge is daunting, the fall steep
My heart is breaking, its now or never
Where do I even find the time to weep?
If I really have to die, let it be today
For my house is on fire, and I have no water
Or an extinguisher
Wait, I have no hands either.
I can just float, watch me watching the burning house
From the top window, down to porch
All I can do is swim in my thoughts
Save it, but how?
Let it be today, that I am gone
Don’t want to do this, can’t have it anymore
Too tired to climb, nothing at the top, it’s not worth the view, just draw me a bench, right halfway through
I can drawl down the valley, lay there low
Hope for the eternal abyss, crave for silence
My thoughts won’t leave me
So if I really, really have to go south, let it be today.
Shifa Naseer 