Frozen Years

Time flies yet I dont see change
Time decays you, it makes you
Yet I see myself right there
On the balcony, barefoot
I still see the world through tears in my eyes
Swimming around the eyelids
As I fight to reign them in
Time does the tick and tock on the clock
But I seem frozen despite the warmth of the fire
The fire in me, the rage that I feel.
I still stand on the balcony with red railings
The rain is still pouring down on me
My hair wet, sticking to my face
As you go, on your own.
I still stand with nothing but bare hands
I still stare as you turn the corner
I still feel that urge to run
To break the ice around my heart
Even though the moment passed
Life went on
But the feelings are as fresh as the recent snowfall.
The cold, the waves of desolation
The rain, the washing away of hopes and dreams
All is same as the people gone by.
Like dead, like frozen years.

Where Is My Peace?

Life is a question that I often ask
I demand, I try to figure it all out.
There are no answers, only enquiries
I shake my head, I bow down to silence
Thats what I do when I dont get my answers
Where is my peace?
All I receive is the echo of my own voice
Why cant I have it?
All I get is empty walls, empty life
If I look, why cant I find it?
All I find is hollow hearts with hollow dreams.
My hollow dreams, left incomplete
I dare not finish it.
I dare not touch it.
For I am afraid.
I have no peace.
Where is my peace?
Where indeed!
Turbulence and all my instability
The shaking of my feeble  heart
Quivering lips as I try to ask
I have no words
I find myself bound
There is no way out
Life went on but I had no peace.
I still have no peace
Where is my peace?
Oh God!
I need my peace.
What if I break and what if I lose?
Death without peace, life without my own release
Soul is bound, the iron bars around
Hell! I want this peace that I ask for!
I am not that bad. I do not deserve it.
Where is my peace?
Where indeed!

Past The Wall

I stand straight, like a wall in the alley
I dont break, I seldom shake
My roots are deep, the wounds still weep
But I stand strong, I still hold on
Beyond the joy and sadness
I stay away from what makes me weak
My image reflects in the mud puddle, right there
I see only the bricks and the sand
Standing mighty tall and blunt
Pushing the wind back where it comes from
I dont let anything cross my path
Invincible! I am The Wall.
Standing erect and too mighty and tall.
I was built to keep you off
I keep you away alright
But shes lonely, the one who hides behind me.
She half wishes that I never was
But she knows I protect, I save her from the outside winds
The coarse sand that scratches her soul
I save her. I take all the blows.
Sometimes she knocks and tries to break me.
Other times the winds just go crazy.
To let her out, to let her breathe in the open air.
But little does she know how hard it is to survive.
How much hurt is beyond my boundaries.
So I let her scream. I let her shout.
I dont budge, I dont give her a way out.
Her soul has to be saved.
I was built to protect. I was built to keep her tucked away.
But she’s too naive. She’s too small.
To be alone out there.
Past the wall is just you.
My little prisoner. I will save you.

If Only You Were Here

I blame no one, I blame only you. Even if it sounds unreasonable and childish, I still blame you!
Its all your fault! If you hadnt left right when I needed you the most, I may have gotten a chance to choose my path. I wouldve been able to decide what I really want in life without being afraid of being told off or criticized.
You and I both knew what I wanted.
You were the only One who valued the writer in me.
No one gives a damn anymore to what I write.
Can you believe no one in the family reads what I write?
Yeah thats my life.
Had it not been for you, I wouldnt have been so bitter, so withdrawn from everyone.
Why did you leave?
Why you?
I cannot explain how much I feel your absense these days.
I dont like the fact that you left me here. You left me when I needed you the most!!!!
I am angry. I am annoyed.
Its all your fault.
They are hurting me.
You cant help me.
Why did you go?
Why cant you be with me?
Sigh. How much will I beg?
I know you cant be here.
But the little girl in my wants you here, Dad!
I needed you now.
I needed you here so you could help me without anyone trying to bring me down.
Everyday I think, If you were here, this wouldve been like this, that wouldve been different. I only say “if”. Now I hate the word “If”. It makes me angry knowing “If” can never be.

How Far Can I Go?

I intended to deshape, to destroy, spin your life out of control
Never did I imagine that you wont raise a single protest
Not a moan will escape your lips
Not once will you complain
I planned to destroy your reasoning, your mental balance, your emotional range
You were supposed to break
Into a thousand pieces and
Each piece was supposed to turn
To dust and washed away with the tide
But yet here you are, like statue, like stone
I watch you with curiosity as moss gathers at your feet
You refuse to let go, I refuse to back off
How can I hurt you now when
I know that I am the one who gives you life?
How far can I go to destroy your will, your love for me?
I have ways to destroy your source of eternal bliss
Now you know how far I can go?
I can go far. Way too far.
Too far that not even my name shall remain.
My destruction will lead to your end.
And you will perish and you will cry.
I will not look but I will rejoice.