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``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ`、、ヽ `ヽ `、ヽ``、ヽ ` 、ヽ`ヽ `、ヽ`ヽ`、ヽ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ” ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ`、、ヽ `ヽ `、ヽ``、ヽ ` 、ヽ`ヽ ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ`、、ヽ `ヽ `、ヽ``、ヽ ` 、ヽ`ヽ `、ヽ`ヽ`、ヽ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ” ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ`、、ヽ `ヽ `、ヽ``、ヽ ` 、ヽ`ヽ `、ヽ`ヽ`、ヽ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ” ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ`、、ヽ `ヽ `、ヽ``、ヽ ` 、ヽ`ヽ `、ヽ`ヽ`、ヽ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ” ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ`、、ヽ `ヽ `、ヽ``、ヽ ` 、ヽ`ヽ `、ヽ`ヽ`、ヽ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ” `、ヽ`ヽ`、ヽ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ” ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ`、、ヽ `ヽ `、ヽ``、ヽ ` 、ヽ`ヽ `、ヽ`ヽ`、ヽ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ” ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ`、、ヽ `ヽ `、ヽ``、ヽ ` 、ヽ`ヽ ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ`、、ヽ `ヽ `、ヽ``、ヽ ` 、ヽ`ヽ `、ヽ`ヽ`、ヽ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ” ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ`、、ヽ `ヽ `、ヽ``、ヽ ` 、ヽ`ヽ `、ヽ`ヽ`、ヽ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ” ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ`、、ヽ `ヽ `、ヽ``、ヽ ` 、ヽ`ヽ `、ヽ`ヽ`、ヽ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ” ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ`、、ヽ `ヽ `、ヽ``、ヽ ` 、ヽ`ヽ `、ヽ`ヽ`、ヽ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ” `、ヽ`ヽ`、ヽ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ” ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ`、、ヽ `ヽ `、ヽ``、ヽ ` 、ヽ`ヽ `、ヽ`ヽ`、ヽ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ” ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ`、、ヽ `ヽ `、ヽ``、ヽ ` 、ヽ`ヽ ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ`、、ヽ `ヽ `、ヽ``、ヽ ` 、ヽ`ヽ `、ヽ`ヽ`、ヽ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ” ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ`、、ヽ `ヽ `、ヽ``、ヽ ` 、ヽ`ヽ `、ヽ`ヽ`、ヽ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ” ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ`、、ヽ `ヽ `、ヽ``、ヽ ` 、ヽ`ヽ `、ヽ`ヽ`、ヽ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ” ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ`、、ヽ `ヽ `、ヽ``、ヽ ` 、ヽ`ヽ `、ヽ`ヽ`、ヽ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ” `、ヽ`ヽ`、ヽ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ”

A Face In The Crowd


Today while walking home from tuition, I saw something that stirred me inside. I was truely touched by the sight.
A lady was walking with her two small children, carrying their school bags. The lady must’ve been young but looked quite old by her appearance. She looked tired and worn out. She was wearing a faded scarf and salwar kameez. She was walking behind her two little children who were trodding happily in front of her. She seemed tense. It may be because the parraypora road is quite crowded and she was trying to keep her eyes on her children.
The children were in their school uniforms. I didnt recognise the uniform so I dont know about the school. Their uniforms were a little shabby but neat and tidy. Judging by their appearance, they werent that well off. I felt bad about it. I kept thinking about that lady. How much she would struggle each day to take her children to school until they grow up enough to do that themselves. Sigh. It made me realise that no matter how big our problems are, there’s always someone who’s condition is worse than ours. That lady looked quite old for her years. She had that look about her which felt that no one knew what she had to face. How much she had had to cope, to struggle to work hard.
But it might also be the fact that I am reading too much into a face.

Hail her who cares for you
Praise her who sacrifices for you
Live for her, always and forever
Never take her granted, for she is your mother.

It All Comes Back


The past is a shadow, an image that never leaves
It stays with its ugliness and bares its fangs at me
No matter where I go, the past slams itself in front of me
I wish to run, to escape the shadow
But it haunts me everywhere I go
I turn my back and it stabs me
I face it and it slaps me
I dont know what to do
It never lets me be
I cant fight, I cannot hide
For shadows find me in the darkest of times
It all comes back piece by pieces
Continuing the torture and haunting my dreams.

This Reflects My Mood


``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ`、、ヽ `ヽ `、ヽ``、ヽ ` 、ヽ`ヽ `、ヽ`ヽ`、ヽ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ” ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ`、、ヽ `ヽ `、ヽ``、ヽ ` 、ヽ`ヽ ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ`、、ヽ `ヽ `、ヽ``、ヽ ` 、ヽ`ヽ `、ヽ`ヽ`、ヽ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ” ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ`、、ヽ `ヽ `、ヽ``、ヽ ` 、ヽ`ヽ `、ヽ`ヽ`、ヽ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ” ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ`、、ヽ `ヽ `、ヽ``、ヽ ` 、ヽ`ヽ `、ヽ`ヽ`、ヽ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ” ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ`、、ヽ `ヽ `、ヽ``、ヽ ` 、ヽ`ヽ `、ヽ`ヽ`、ヽ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ” `、ヽ`ヽ`、ヽ``、ヽ``、 、ヽ ` ヽ`、ヽ` `、ヽ`ヽ”

Her Golden Glow


Fading into the glow of sunset, I watched as she shined
Stealing away my heart and wounding my pride
Such a beauty that I fell for her right there in the glowing moment
All bathing in gold and red, the world ablaze from her glow
The gleam in my eyes reflecting her shine
Warming my heart, percolating to the eyes
I vowed to make her mine, never to lose something so divine
I set out my heart to court hers
Threw myself into the battle for all I was worth
Finally she yielded and let me in
She said she loved me but little did she know
That she owned my very heart and soul
She took it lightly and trudged on the fragile ice
Broke it into a thousand fragments as I bled and wept for her vice
Her cruel beauty hurt me so that I broke
Never to be whole, never to love again
I did all I could but she remained aloof
I was all but the love of her life
She played me around her white, long fingers
She stabbed me through and through
But I still wait in the hope that one day
The golden glow will come back
That once again her beauty will mesmerize me
That her love will pull me back from hell
That her heart will be mine and heal me forever.

Shifa Naseer

A Little Too Much


I am actually laughing right now. Strangely, I am having an out-of-body experience right now. In a haze I suppose. What am I? A robot? Since morning, I gave two healthy classes. I still have 3 classes and I skipped school as I was supposed to have an extra class too but the teacher rescheduled it. In short, I wasted my half day. I will get a good lecture on skipping two days of school in a row. Tomorrow is a saturday! Who goes to school on saturday ?!?!? Me ! 😦
Anyways, I gotta finish a lot of pending work from my many tuitions. Gotta get back to work!

I love you blog. You keep me sane.

Have a good day. 🙂

Shifa Naseer

Snowfall At Night 2


Due to many requests from my followers and friends who read my blog, to extend my poem “Snowfall at night”
https://shifanaseerpoems.wordpress.com/snowfall-at-night/
I finally decided to write more.
Here goes …

The wait was over as the world slowly turned white
Flawless and clear, reflecting her face
Finally, finally he came back
Bowed down at her side, glancing at her lifeless form
He held that hand which had gone limp
It was icy cold, but he held on
He cried for his folly, he cried with his head hung low
He howled into the silent, white night
And looked out the same window
Tears falling without a break, he stared at the falling flakes
Oh how he burned with pain
How he was scorched by its intensity
He had made her wait
Wait for him, for them
While she decayed right in front of his sorry eyes.

Shifa Naseer

Leap Of Faith


She was broken on the inside but she kept on smiling
Her paths filled with thorns but she never winced
She never asked for support or sympathy
What did she do if not cry out in pain?
She endured through the years, bearing the separation
Holding on to her tiny hope
Her prayer, her living substance
Her leap of faith
She helped others who fell and gave up
She loved those who had nothing but hate in their hearts
She cared for everyone but Alas!
No one cared for her.
She was ignored, she was denied
Kept away from all joy, made to crave all from the outside
She never complained you see
Never let the hurt resurface
All she had was her leap of faith
Which she never let anyone know and neither dared to shake
You wonder what her leap really was?
I dont know.
She was way too complicated a labyrinth
And kept herself in her coccoon
No one deserved to know her
No one had the right to her leap of faith
No one!

I want that leap too. .. 🙂

Shifa Naseer

Using The Last Of What I Have


There was once a time when I would’ve loved to have a schedule which I have now. I leave home at 6:30 am in the morning and actually ( without exaggeration) enter home at 6:30 pm in the evening. I juggle around 5 classes at tuitions per day with a 6th class on weekends. Right now, I have tears in my eyes as I struggle to write this post. I am on the verge of breakdown. My original plan was to wear myself down so I would not ‘think’ about all that haunts me but its actually making me live my nightmare. Its too hectic for me. As they say “be careful what you wish for”.

No time to breathe
All I do is run
From the world, from myself
I hide behind the busy
I cringe away, unable to face
While I wear myself down
To a point where I am flat on the ground …
#suffering
#almost dead
#nearing a massive breakdown
#fed up me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;(

Shifa Naseer

My Pain, My Gain


Life offers pain generously
And I being what I am, take it all in willingly
Surrendering to the forces that threaten to break me
Yet I enjoy the pain I feel

Teaching me to endure, to test my limits
As I realise my addiction
I feel and I hurt, but still carry

The load, the burden, the pain
A reminder of the constant dull ache
All the while putting up a smile which is so fake
My pain is what I gain from fate

What I use, what I believe to be true
Hating myself for being weak
For taking up pain as my partner

Some sort of forgiveness I seek

But I am denied, time and again

The pleasure of being in melancholy

image

Shifa Naseer

My Picture Perfect


Dreams, imaginations, thoughts so great
My wonderings take a toll on me
I ache and I wait
For my imaginations to take shape
One day will come when I will be free
Free to rejoice the freedom spree
My perfect picture becoming clear
Which, in my heart, I hold so dear
A garden full of lush, green grass
With birds singing with the wind
Trees, busy, swaying in their rhythm
Seems like hugging and reuniting with their kin
Mad with joy, smiles so wide
I cant help but beam back
As I hum along with the breeze
Dancing, swaying and tapping my feet
That, my friend is the picture I dream of
That is my thought which I imagine
A place of purity, away from any sin

image

Shifa Naseer

Their Love


sun moonThe Sun in love with the moon never bathed in its glory

while the moon drunk with the passion for the sun

never saw it set ablaze the world.

Their reflections mingling together
But never really able to meet
Blind love they have,
Passion so deep, one fears to look

She took all day to adorn herself
Dreamed about the beauty of his rising
The dawn arrived and she was ready
Her shine dimming
As the sun stretched and spread its wings
Looking eagerly around to find a glimpse
But alas! She was under the veil
Hidden.
She screamed at her beloved
To find her, to see her
To hold, to touch
But he hung his head
Had it not been that he was so bright
He wouldve had her by now
Feeling her absense, his loss
Setting low, leaving behind a bruise
A sorrow which the now unveiled moon must carry.

Spooky Evening


Sitting on a bench, not far from me
A little girl of six or eight
Helping a worm in the ground to get free
Even though the night was descending
I sensed the feeling of withdrawal
But the girl only dipped her head more
To help the worm out
Wearing a blue jumper, her hair all long and pretty
Splayed out around her
Protecting her from the outside world
She sensed my gaze on her and looked at me
All the warmth drained from me
I shivered from the effect her gaze had on me
I couldnt let my eyes roam away from her
A picture of utmost vulnerability

Who was she?
Her eyes which said a thousand stories
An insight into her tiny heart
Busy helping the worm, digging with tiny hands
I closed my eyes to capture her to my mind
To let the picture remain
Of her help, her pain
The stars were out and it was late
I glanced at the ground again just to glimpse her long, shiny mane
But the ground was empty and the hole was dug
I looked around for her but I was alone
I sinked to my feet as I felt the chilly air
I crawled to the hole and looked inside
My name was there etched into mud
With the worm dead, crippled like a bud
I freaked out and ran away
As far as I could from the place
Pledging to never return at dusk
It was spooky for the girl was gone
And the worm was dead
But her passion he sensed
And his name she remembered.

spooky indeed
spooky indeed

Shifa Naseer

Saif …


Once there was a little chuby boy named Saif. He was so adorable. His cheeks were rozy red. His hair was glossy black. His eyes were greenish brown in color and they were as round as pearls. His lips were pink and he used to bite them when nervous. Actually he was always nervous and fidgety. His first day at school and he was bullied. Over the years he was made to carry the lunch of his peers. He didnt like it but he felt he was weak and hence suffered. He never told anyone at home that he wasnt happy in school. He used to make excuses not to go to school. He used to cry at times, craving for a friend who would understand him. Everyone laughed at him for being fat. But he never retaliated.
Hoping, suffering, bearing, moving. Years passed and he stayed alone.

Funny how life treats the weak
Wearing them down
Less and less do they enjoy the early years
Busy escaping the mean peers
Horrible to see them struggle so
When their tiny feet are so fragile
The tears that fall, the wounds that are inflicted
Never fade, never forgotten
What remains is the bitterness
The vile taste of misery

Saif wanted a friend but he never found any. Anyone who talked to him, used him for something or the other.
We all have a Saif in our class. Just stop and see him. Talk to him. Give him a chance to be your friend. He just might be what you need.

Shifa Naseer

Evil Nightmares


Pain in my dreams
I feel dread in my sleep
The yearning for peace
Is a desire so deep
The depth of which is unknown
I grope for strength, for support
I crave for hope, for light
Dreams that haunt, that mock
The visions that keep me on toes
The nights which holds me prisoner
The days which blind me
I find solace being awake
For the dreams truely rule my world
Snatch the positivity, the truth from my soul
Seeping into my nerves and crumbling them
My dreams which slay me every night
While I stand helpless, no matter how much I fight

Shifa Naseer

Immobility


Pulse racing, head spinning
Trying to ward off the ache
Hoping to gain senses again
As I continue to fall into the abyss
Hardly any support, no movement at all
Praying to die, hoping to survive
Breathing labored as my parched lips crave water
My throat jammed, as I prepare for the oncoming slaughter
No time to rest, to gain strength
Lying there as good as dead
I stare and lament all the tears that I shed.

That obviously is an exaggeration but I am close to that stage too.

Shifa Naseer

You Got To Be Kidding Me


Once more my immunity failed to protect me. I fell prey, yet again, to the common cold. Even  Though its just a sore throat and headache for the time being but by the time the day is over, I will be sneezing and coughing all over. Right now, I cannot talk as the pain is too much. This is not fair!!!! Every now and then, I get the cold. I hate it!!!!!!!!!!!! ;(

Shifa Naseer

Peace Within


Free he was, from all cares
Free he had been before he woke
To the rising alarms
To the warning bells
Brought face to face with pain, he was
Shattered, broken for life
To cope, he turned rogue
Living extreme, he set off to destroy
Over the time, the days turned dark
The light never touching him
He became angrier still
Did all to set himself ablaze
But then the fight in him waned
Slowly, he realised, it was not enough
To vent out his anger
It simply was not enough
So he turned around inside
Cooped up, to be alone
To gather his pieces, to gain strength
He found his peace again
As he made good with his heart
The tempest was calmed after the dark night
The sun shone bright again as he gave up his fight.

Shifa Naseer

No Response


I knocked on the door of heaven and above
Stood there, tattered and torn
Screaming pleas and all that I could think of
Hoping against hope for a guide to guide
Through the tough times, always by my side
Knocking, clawing, at the door
With a stubborn lock so rude
It didnt budge and neither did I find solace
Until my strength waned
And blood froze in my veins
I continued my struggle, my urge to survive
But I got no response, no reply
Only silence as I bowed there
With a hopeless and saddened heart.

Shifa Naseer

Defeat Through Tears


Cant explain the tears that fall
Uninviting onto my cheeks
And down the chin they go
And fall into my open, empty hands
As I stare at them
I feel wounded and torn
A part of me snatched away
As easily as breathing is
No one seems to see me
As invisible as the air, I am
How many times can I say
That I am hurt and bleeding
No one, not one knows how I feel
Loser, I become, as I kneel
To the unseen forces
That hasten my fall
Fall through my strength
And fall through my tears
Without mercy, without fear.

Shifa Naseer

IMPORTANT


I dont write my blog to show off or to gain attention. I never asked anyone to read my blog and neither am I on toes for your comments. If you dont like my blog, I suggest to close the tab and never visit again. But please I dont want any rude comments. It wont bother me. I will simply delete them. Its you who’s going to degrade his/her self respect. I mean anyone no harm. I never write anything abusive. Its a democracy and you should respect that. I wont tolerate this. At all. Please think twice before you post rude comments on my blog. You dont deserve to even type my link on your damn keyboard. So stay the hell away from my blog. Get out! You are not needed.
*fuming*

#Proud Of Myself


Alright!!!! Since we all know that I had taken up a driving course and it finished off in january. Then later I got my own car to drive. We had a spare one at home which no one drove since it was purchased. It new and its mine. 😀
I am a proud owner of 1389. 🙂
Anyways, I now drive with confidence. I dont make mistakes at U-turns. And I know all about the gear mechanisms. I even know how to change tyres in case of a puncture. All in all, I am improving quite steadily. I drive slow. I dont increase the speed above 40 so those who were planning to have a race with me need to wait until I am sure of my driving skills. I dont want to die and certainly dont want to kill innocent pedestrians or other drivers. 🙂
I feel proud that I achieved all this in a short span of time. Allah has been with me and helped me through all the oppositions and hurdles in this case.
I am happy that I am no longer dependent. I can take myself wherever I need to go. I always dreamt about it and now its finally happening. I owe many people rides that I agreed to give them. I need a little bit more time to stabilize myself and get used to it.
Rest all is well. 😀