The Department Trip, 2016


I am back! It was amazing, sort of Utopia. I didn’t take my watch or used my phone. The timelessness that it brought on was something I have no words to describe. The two days just flew away like … crazy!!!! I made new friends on this trip and experienced new experiences.

The starry nights made my soul feel peace, the actual peace that I was longing for, writing about in my poetry. I felt that peace, that positivity. I was with my friends away from the social setup that we have built for ourselves which binds us, holding us as hostages. For once, I didnt feel like running. Instead I just wanted to sit and enjoy the weather, the sun, the stars, the wind and even the darkness. It wasnt anything new that I hadnt seen before but it was the idea of time lapse, like time stopped in that place. The days were too long, the nights were longer. Even the chill that I felt during the night was welcomed.

I am glad I went for this trip. It sort of changed me in a way I do not understand.

I have gained weight and so I have decided to work out a little and keep a check on my calorie intake. I dont mind being fat but I am chubby and that is something I do not want to be. Chubby cheeks are already in my genes. I do not wish to make them chubbier by being reckless with my diet.

Also, the monotonous life is back. Time again rules my life. I have to turn back to academic studies. Yea, back to reality!

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That is me ( left), Siddharth (top), Ayushi (bottom) and Tushar (right).

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Travel Anxiety


Every time I have to travel, I get this weird sensation in my stomach which I presume is the usual stomach ache. It has always been there like a stitch in my side and ruins the excitement by making room for anxiety. I am forgetful. Granted, I forget stuff and it is this anxiety which keeps me on my toes until I actually start my journey.

All day today, I was restless. I am all packed and have to leave in a couple of hours.

I will not be posting until Sunday when I come back from my trip. I will write an account of it here if I manage to remember the details.

Hoping it to go well.

Forever anxious,

Me.

Nightmares


No wonder I am sleep deprived. My nightmares are so consistent that they rob me of my sleep every night.  And some nights, they terrify me and I just sit up in bed and comtemplate life and how ugly nightmares make life and how scary and freakish it feels to be in one. At times, I dont even realise what time it is and randomly call friends or anyone to pick up so I could calm down. The panic attacks that follow the nightmares are worse. 

The visual torture it is. I just had another nightmare. When will it get over? 

Tiny Steps


Airah (my niece) took her first steps today and it made me realise how quickly time passes by. It seems only yesterday that she was born and I held her. I just feel so proud of her. I wish I could really see her walking in person. I am so happy right now that I cannot stop smiling!

All Over Again


The clouds start to fill the sky, and I
hear the thunder
roll across the sky and then I hear
the rain start to fall.
As I hear the rain drops start to fall I
think back to
all the pain I have been put through.
I have put my heart
back together piece by piece but the
memories are still there.
It’s been so long since I showed
anyone my feelings
because my heart is very vulnerable,
but now it has a different
feeling around you. With every touch
you make my body go numb,
no touch has ever been so wonderful,
with every look my heart
melts in the palm of your hand. On
this day I give my heart
to you, on this day I give my love to
you. I can look so deep
into your eyes it feels like your heart
is next to mine.
When I look into your eyes I can only
hope that it’s true.
I have searched a lifetime trying to
find someone like you.
I close my eyes and all I can see is
you. You gave my heart
a reason to care again. With a blink
of an eye, one look
from you sends me a feeling and I
hope it’s a feeling of love.
My life wasn’t complete until the day
that you walked in my life.
The clouds start to fill the sky and I
hear the thunder
roll across the sky and then I hear
the raindrops start
to fall. If only I knew what feelings
you have for me,
I could tell you that it’s real, the
feelings that we share.
You could spend a lifetime trying to
find someone like you,
that’s why I am glad that I found
you. I fell in love all
over again and I’ve fallen in love with
you. My heart is
yours from now till the end of time. I
just hope I can make
you mine before someone else steals
your heart away.

 

I found this in my drafts. The timeline shows its two years old and I realised I forgot to publish it, Now seriously, If anyone out there had any doubts about my memory issues, this ought to clear it away.

Happy Sunday!

Where No One Goes


I went there where no one goes
What sight did I behold!
I cannot put it into much words
Untouched! So pure and pristine
I couldnt locate where I stood
Just some place where no one was
I saw no stream, I saw no canopy of clouds
No gleam of the shining sun, no support of the trees