Take a lesson, learn it and pass the test
They teach you that, don’t they?
And yet, here I am, repeating the same class over and over again.
I never learn and unlike the years, I never pass!
It’s a day of loss, day of despair
We lost you and you lost yourself
Or maybe you found it, who knows?
It’s ruined eternally, my mental peace of knowing you don’t exist
Not anymore, not outside my memories.
The memories which hurt and yet are cherished.
What do I say the reason for my tears?
Half the blog filled with yearly eulogies?
What do I say, the reason for my sadness?
How do I explain, the long gone moment of death.
When I was not there, when you were slipping away…
What do I say of the days of gold
When the sun shone right into my heart
For we knew you were there to hold us?
I mask my sadness in something else
Indifference, towards myself
Denial towards the world, towards the cycle of years
Bringing back the agony, refreshing the pain
Periodic dosage, what use do I have of drugs when this does the trick?
Sends me into oblivion, throws me into the ‘high’ zone of something which cannot be called bliss.
I miss you, I do. Every day I cry for how it ended.
No joy is joy without your laugh and it turns to ash in my mouth, wish I could tell you how.