“Close your eyes and pretend it’s all a bad dream. That’s how I get by.” – Jack Sparrow
I wonder if anyone even reads my blog. I really doubt it. Only a handful of people read it sometimes, I guess.
My writing is a total flop, I know! But I cant help it.
Slipping away with every tick of the clock
My peace, my hope of survival
Disappearing fast from my heart
Leaving behind a cold vacancy
Dread creeps in from my spine
And filters into my heart
Grasping every nerve with its deathly grip
My screams die in my throat
As I freeze there
Nothing left, not one ounce of hope in me
Hazy and shocked, I can barely see
Losing myself, my heart is now a stone
A hollow stone filled with dread
Of losing, of gaining
Of hearing, of saying
Of dying, of living.
I look at his picture
A tender and kind face
My heart melts at it
Twisting into agony
At his absense.
My first Blank page.
After school, standing alone
Walking alone, out of the gate
Pained to see what I dont have
Longing for it, my heart wails in vain
My second Blank page.
Coming home to a lonely mother
A rebel of a brother
Silence reigns, forever remains
I stare with a dread so deep
Rips my heart as I collapse and weep
My third Blank page.
The holes I see, the gaps I feel
No one knows what air I breathe
A blank diary with faded white
Crinkly and fading fast
As dust to dust it goes around
My blank pages keep turning along.
I look up at the starry night
As I have a wish to make
I close my eyes and raise my arms
To begin my wish with hope in my heart
There is no existence without you
Dont leave me as I will die
Its easier if I tell you this
Dont waste my life in tears and sighs
Dont die for I will fall
Dont die for I will cry
Please dont die for I will be lost
To those who hurt me
My wish is my hope to live
I strive, I hold on and I stand
Pinning my hopes to your strength
For you are all I ask for
Dont die even if they reject you
Dont fall even if they push you
Dont lose yourself even if they take away your flame
You are mine forever
I wont die as I have you
For every me, there is a you
This is my wish for which I live
Hoping to reep for all that I give
Looking at her dad
Eyes filled with expectations
Longing for her father to look back
To say that he loves her
To hold her in his arms
To cherish the moments they share
But he never did
She waited and kept on waiting
While she lived like a servant in her own home
Her brother went to a place called “school”
But she was not allowed to go out
Cooped up in her home
She ached for the open ground
The feel of dew as she would walk on the grass
The morning breeze caressing her
The night bringing solace
Sadly, she never saw it
Years later, she was adorned with jewels so rare
Oh how she squealed with delight
Felt that her father had finally noticed her
As she went to him
All dressed and proud
She was handed over to someone else
She didnt understand
She had done nothing wrong
But daddy was sending her away!
As the realisation dawned
She writhed and screamed
Consumed by her rage
All it took was a slap across her face
Silencing her for her lifetime
Whisked away to a stranger’s place
To die, to hide, to waste
People love rain. They say rainy season is the season of romance. They join so many cheezy words to it. Raindrops falling from the sky and hitting the ground, replenishing the ground water resources. I agree it is benificial. No doubt people find the sound of raindrops falling as soothing. Some people love to drink coffee or tea when its raining. Thats where the drama kicks in. They see it in movies and think it is true. Sitting on the window sill, with a cup of tea/coffee in hand and a sad expression on the face. They think its romantic. Hahaha. Well its not!! From my point of view, they are wallowing in self pity. Tut tut. All that is irrelevant.
Anyways, as you must know, I dont like rain and the package it brings with itself. All the wetness, the dampness, the dirt, all the mud and puddles on the roads, the sound of raindrops hitting the cemented floor. Urgh!
Its like that ticking bomb which only ticks and never sets off! Its like that alarm clock without a snooze or dismiss option. Its like the most annoying sound ever.
Sigh. Still, its good for us. It replenishes the ground water resources. It brings relief during hot summer days and all. But it is not enough for me to like it.
I just dont like it. Thats it. I dont like rain. It reminds me of that poem:
Rain, rain, go away
Come again another day
That was one of my favourites.
Its raining here by the way.
#saddest face in history
Falling to pieces
As I try to keep myself together
The more I try, the more I realise
Truth behind the deceitful lies
I am bound to lose
Forever indebted to you
Everything gone, smashed and torn
Ever survived the loss?
What if I had?
But the events itself were sad
Pitiable as I was weak
To the core and beneath
Quivering knees as I bow in defeat
Losing everything while I watch with death by my side
Losing the beauty, the purity
Leaving behind a memory
Of loss and everything that has come to pass.
I want to go
A place that I heard of
A dreamy place of my own
To earn my peace
The peace I long for since forever
I want to sink to the depths
Never to be seen
Never to be heard of
To be talked about
I never wish to remain
But to vanish into the depths
Accepting the blissful silence
My cries no longer to be heard
I wish to remain alive in the depths.
I am changing my novel a bit. The plot remains the same but it will revolve around kashmir. Jenny will be “Amaanee” and Jack will be “Ali”. This major change came from the fact that I know all about kashmir that I would require in my novel. I need not research. It will be more real and have a greater impact.
Cheers to light bulbs!!!
I really really dont get it. I amtotally messed up. One minute I am happy and the next I am restless. One minute I forgive those who hurt me and the next I am fuming that they did. What is wrong with me? I am tired of myself. I hate these mood swings. Staying away from home is helping though. I wouldve turned bonkers there. Smiling feels like a burden these days. I dont like it! I laugh to hide my fears and that makes me look stupid. Thats so great! (sarcasm dripping from my words!)
Poured out my soul
Revealed my darkest secrets
Making myself vulnerable
I held on to what I believed
I had hope in my belief
Felt I was right in all that I did
Going against everything I believed in
I hoped to gain my belief
But I never realised my belief was never mine
Mine to cherish and thrive
Belief is what flies away
Into the setting sun
Evening flourishes and cuts across my heart
As I was brought back to reality
A reality so bitter yet so true
A mirage lifted from my eyes
But I didnt see that one coming
As my belief was strong
Until the break of dawn
Read and connect to yourselves what you would like to be in the above lines … Connect.
Halt right there with your thoughts. The last few days had been a pain. But I snapped back to senses. Thank God for that! I totally hate moping and it seemed like I couldnt do anything but mope! #horror#
Anyways, now I am better. The change of place has done me good but I miss home.
Today I went out and chilled with my siblings. It felt good. 🙂
Cheers to those with good moods and “get well soon” to those who feel under weather.
The mopey shifa might come back though. I will let you know when!
I feel nothing as if
I dont feel
They dont see me as if
I dont exist
I hover in the dark as if
The world has left me
They ignore me as if
I have no importance
I am not missed as if
I am good riddance
They dont care as if
I dont have a heart
I am trampled as if
The ground holds me
They overlook me as if
I am a shadow …
I feel it in my heart.
I feel it in my bones.
I am unwanted and unwelcome
Hopelessly weird and lonesome
Today is 10th February. It is my maa’s birthday. We had got a cake for her to cut at 12 o clock. Sadly, she doesnt like celebrating but that does not mean we cannot try and make efforts. #wise nod
Happy Birthday, Maa!!! May you live long. May you stay happy and radiant
The love you gave
Can never be repaid
But I try to compensate
A lil bit from my side
Efforts simply are not enough
But I love you and so I try
Coz its maa’s birthday tonight!
Knock! Knock! Anybody there?
I am not home. Its supposedly a holiday. Great! (not). I dont know why i am missing home too much. I miss it! Sigh. Now I really dont like holiday trips. I miss my driving!
Hmm. Wish me luck.
Anger boils in me
For people who dont care
Care to see that they hurt me
But no! They dont!
They make it worse
Make my life a curse
The subdued anger is poison
It eats me away
I become all ash and flakes
Blow with the wind in rage
A pure rage of contempt
Rage for their ignorance
I might die as it is too much
Die for anger, die for relief
Die for pain, die for ease
I need a break. My nerves are on the edge. I am angry at so many people at the same time, it makes me go bonkers. Urgh!
And the worst part is no one knows how angry I really am. It is totally not fair. I bear the hurt and then I got to bear the anger.
There was a time when I used to take out my anger all the time. It now seems like I can never do that. I dont take out my anger at all. Its sick and awful.
#scowling . And so I am doing what I am best at and that is running away. I need some time away from people. All of them.
All too tired and angry.
Dora cakes !!!! #drooling#
I loved doraemon when I was a small kid but I was always jealous of him. He had such awesome gadgets and the most important thing : he had dora cakes!!!!
I still want to taste them even though I know its only in the cartoon. But the thought of dora cakes is so appealing even now. Hehe!
Zindagi sawaar dun
Ik nai bahaar dun
Duniya hi badal dun
Mai toh pyaara sa chamatkaar hoon.
Hahaha … I still hum this song!
Duniya Ki Mehfilon Se Uktaa Gya Hoon Ya Rabb
Kya Lutf Anjuman Ka, Jab Dil Hi Bujh Gya Ho?
Sir Iqbal was a very influential poet and wove magic into the words he spun around in his poems. He brings out the deep, buried feelings of a person. He inspires through his poems towards one’s conscience. It pulls a person into its depths and makes one reflect at the inner self. He was a passionate person who covered all fields and subjects through poetry. He voiced his feelings during the freedom struggle and inspired the people of India to fight. He instilled courage in the hearts of people. “I have seen the movement of the sinews of the sky, And the blood coursing in the veins of the moon.” “IQBAL” Words are a powerful tool and if known how to use it, a man can make history. Sir Iqbal was one such person. A jewel among the various urdu poets.
Ata Hai Yad Mujhko Guzara Hua Zamana
Wo Bag Ki Baharen Wo Sab Ka Chah-Chahana.
All of us have read these lines. Totally mesmerising poem with so much depth that one cannot touch the bottom.
sitaaro.n se aage jahaa.N aur bhii hai.n
abhii ishq ke imtihaa.N aur bhii hai.n
taahii zindagii se nahii.n
ye fazaaye.n yahaa.N
saika.Do.n kaaravaa.N aur bhii hai.n
kanaa’at na kar aalam-e-rang-o-bu
par chaman aur bhii,
aashiyaa.N aur bhii hai.
n agar kho gayaa ek nasheman to kyaa Gam
maqaamaat-e-aah-o-fugaa.N aur bhii hai.n
tuu shahii.n hai parwaaz hai kaam
teraa tere saamane aasmaa.N aur bhii hai.n
isii roz-o-shab me.n ulajh kar
na rah jaa ke tere zamiin-o-makaa.N aur bhii hai.n
gae din kii tanhaa thaa mai.n
a.njuman me.n yahaa.N ab mere raazadaa.N aur bhii hai.n
The world spins around me
As I try to collect the broken pieces
Consciousness hates my company
As I lose to the darkness of eternity
Aaagghhh … I have continuous headache since two weeks. Its squeezing the life out of me. I feel totally drifting. I am not in balance these days it seems. My frown is forever etched onto my face and I swear I am running out of patience now.
ye na thee hamaaree qismat ke
agar aur jeete rehte yahee intezaar
tere waade par jiye ham to ye jaan
ke KHushee se mar na jaate agar ?
These are my favorite lines of Galib. These lines are so deep that it leaves one pondering forever. It is fit from a romantic point of view where a lover longs for his beloved. It may be fit in the religious sense too. A devotee calling out to his divinity. Each perspective is more enthralling and interesting than the other. Each idea reflected in these lines is beautifully displayed in the most mannered of languages: urdu.
Kahu kis se ki kya kiya hai
shabe gam buri bala hai
mujhe kya bura tha marna
gar ek baar hota
These lines touch the heart. In these lines, Galib has intricately displayed one’s emotions to which one can easily relate.
Galib was a renowned poet of his time. He still continues to rule urdu poetry filled with love and heartbreak.
Truely a legend : Mirza Galib.
Search for peace, I search for release
Hold on to hope, I hold on to sanity
Pray for escape,I pray for strength
A thorough evil for me, evil with a maze
I wont get out it seems
I yearn for freedom, I long for ease
Being a girl is not easy
Step in my shoes and see
Rediculed, caged, used am I
No one to stand up and shield me
Punching bag for the males
I am thrown and disposed
No one to ask
No one to give
Since I was born
Life was a curse
Didnt have a cot
I was left alone to rot
Some snatched my right
When I was a cell
Some murdered me in cold blood
When I was born
Others beat me up
And burned me down
Just like a thief, they took my crown
Being a princess, I was made a slave
Rendered useless by the evil wave.
All the best girls. Your life is tough but you must be tougher. Dont let them convince you that you are not human. Let them know your strength. Life will be beautiful once again if you know where you stand.