I Cant Turn Back


One step ahead of me, you stand
Carrying what I wish, what I want
I cant take that step
Its too hard
To raise my foot, to stamp it
To put it forward, move towards you
You take more steps, farther away now
I stand, looking helpless
For I can never hope to catch up
I stand still, the weight on my heart
I wave at you to stop, to wait for me
Yet you move on, not looking at me
I burn inside, I want you here
I plead, I beg but you go on.

Turning around, I walk away
Towards the other end, away from you
Nothing will pull me around
I wont call me back
I am on a course to save my fragile heart
I cant turn back now
I retrace my steps
I take my words back
I pushed all memories aside
As I move on forward
You wont see me as I wont see you again
Never will I do this, never will I forget
Never will I let you rule me, never will I submit

Somehow Seen


Somehow she managed to smile, to look peaceful on the outside when there was a war inside.

Somehow she made everyone’s day while hers had been marked dead, made them smile while it had been ages since she had smiled herself.

Somehow she pulled herself together when she was broken to pieces just to save others from falling apart, to make them strong, to help them hold on.

Somehow she lived each day with people who would never miss her other than the time when they needed her.

Somehow she still  lived with the truth that people only took advantage of her patience and perseverance. She still managed not to appear hurt and smile throughout.

Somehow the person who smiled and smiled, didnt feel the tears leaking from her eyes. No one saw those tears.

No one.

But me.

When I saw her tears, I fell to my knees.

Her tears were pure, they were real

She was hurt and in pain

No one saw her, no one knew her

They all claimed to be her friend but she was alone and no one realised that

Pity on her. Shame on them

When I saw her tears, my heart broke.

My pain was so sharp but it was a fraction of her pain which touched me

I died a little inside knowing her struggles, her hurdles

The sorrows she beared, the pains she took

The walk she walked, the talks she talked!

I couldnt see her this way and I turned away

Leaving her with the black shadows

Somehow she managed to live in them

Somehow she managed to remain unseen

To stay hidden

Immobility


Pulse racing, head spinning
Trying to ward off the ache
Hoping to gain senses again
As I continue to fall into the abyss
Hardly any support, no movement at all
Praying to die, hoping to survive
Breathing labored as my parched lips crave water
My throat jammed, as I prepare for the oncoming slaughter
No time to rest, to gain strength
Lying there as good as dead
I stare and lament all the tears that I shed.

That obviously is an exaggeration but I am close to that stage too.

Shifa Naseer

Defeat Through Tears


Cant explain the tears that fall
Uninviting onto my cheeks
And down the chin they go
And fall into my open, empty hands
As I stare at them
I feel wounded and torn
A part of me snatched away
As easily as breathing is
No one seems to see me
As invisible as the air, I am
How many times can I say
That I am hurt and bleeding
No one, not one knows how I feel
Loser, I become, as I kneel
To the unseen forces
That hasten my fall
Fall through my strength
And fall through my tears
Without mercy, without fear.

Shifa Naseer

I Smile


When I dont know how to deal with a situation, I smile.
I smile to hide my pain.
I smile to suppress my screams.
I smile to let go of my fears.
I smile to hide my tears.
By smiling, I get a chance to compose myself. I feel as if no one can see what I am going through. It is a very good way to avoid any unconfortable situation, if you know what I mean. I am now thinking of making a joker smile on my face like the one in the movie “The Dark Night”. Awesome movie, in my opinion but then my opinion doesnt count. Heath Ledger was amazing in it. Its a pity he died so soon. A big loss to hollywood. 😦
Anyways, where was I? I get distracted easily. What’s wrong with me?
Yeah! The Smile. So whenever I feel sad or want to cry, I smile.
I smile for all I am worth which is very less.
I smile to bring out the best.
I smile to hide from them.
I smile to let others know I am alright.
When I feel the tears oozing out, I smile.
That represents a very pitiable sight, doesnt it?
Well, it is!
Smiling while you are crying. Hehe.
Totally sympathetic I am towards my tears.
So smile and let people know you are happy.
Smile so they smile back at you.
Your smile is sarcastic, you know that. They dont and never will know.
So smile and smile and smile.
:). 🙂 🙂

Posted from Shifa Naseer’s Phone