I Changed


I changed
Changed for better
Changed for worse
I burned my ground
I snapped your crown
Dismounted you from my list
Learned not to be sad about it
I stopped caring
Grew apart from you
You may not know this
You are too busy in your own
Changed my schedule
I changed my habits
Sorted out my priorities
And you didnt make it in the list
So I changed
But you dont see
I changed for you
I changed for me
Straightened out my life
Starting taking a path away from you
Yes I changed but you dont see
That I have changed and I am no longer me!

You Let Go


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You let go of my hand
It was outstretched in the wind
As I stood on the desert sand
I couldnt lower my hand,
I couldnt let go of you
I was pushed and I was pulled
I was alone but in my own
The crowd was mean,
They hurt me
Still my hand, outstretched
Kept searching for solace
All I found were mean glances
Taunting and hurting
Strangers who were family
But acted far from it
Like the solid sun in the sky
Like the moon in the confines of the night
Like the lone cloud on a bright day
Like the last flower about to wither away
I stood among strangers, among family
Learning to live alone.
Forever alone
Echoes of my own voice
Drowned the mean, venomous cries
I stood alone with hand outstretched
Seeking comfort, seeking help
Looking for you, looking for myself.

Heart That Can Love


Find me a heart that can love
That can love beyond boundaries
Bound to be limitless
Something which goes deep, down to the bottomless pit
Like the light to light up the way
Like the shine to brighten up the day
Find me a soul that is so pure
That they fall to their feet
Bow their heads in such purity
A soul with love so hard, so intense to give
That I bathe in its glory
That I let it sink into me
Find that heart with such a soul
Together they will make me whole
Love so true, soul so pure
I wish to die wrapped around it
Warming my heart, removing the doubts
A heart that can love, a soul I can cherish
To be mine forever
As I wish this wish to the silver star
Which seems so near yet so far

Why Dont You?


You say that you care, if you do then show it!
Why dont you?

You say that you are there for me
If you are, then assure me!
Why dont you?

You say that you love me
If you do, then express it!
Why dont you?

You say you are my friend
If you are, then act like one
Why dont you?

You say that you wont let me go
If you wont, then stop me!
Why dont you?

You say you value me
If you do, then prove it!
Why dont you?

You say I am not alone
If I still feel so then make me feel otherwise
Why dont you?

You say I should trust you
If you are confident enough then make me!
Why dont you?

But I say I have never felt more lonely
I say that I have never felt more cold
I say that I have never felt so exposed
I say make me feel warm
I say make me feel loved
I say make me feel wanted
I say make me feel whole
Why dont you?

Shifa Naseer

Rejoice In Your Sorrows


Smile through pain, laugh while you still can
Push your limits
Go far
Go beyond
See the world in a different light
As you endure, as you give up each delight
Pass each moment with a grace
Defy sadness by breaking the chain
Smile till your facial muscles hurt
Be ruthless, no mercy for your soul
Cry rivers but never show
Just smile and stay low
Hope to hold on
Believe to stay strong
Rejoice in your pain
Celebrate the madness
For you can pull it off
If you hold the torch of happiness aloft.

Painted Faces


You show your teeth as you shout!
You all laugh and so loud!
My ears hurt and my eyes sting
For looking at your fake smile
Hearing the laugh which sounds unreal
Laugh if you may
But I know
Your painted faces
Faces so fake
Faces deceiving
Revealing the dark side
Unreal smile, unwilling sounds
Smiling through one’s malice
Your painted faces shine bright
So many lies
Such devilish grins
Mouths Laugh
Vocals Shout
Lips Smile
Voices sing
You reverberate your voices and let them ring
I wish the rain would pour
And wash down your ugly faces
Let it trickle, let it slide
Just stop trying to hide
Faces dark, faces bright
Faces clear, faces showing traces of fright
Painted faces, fake faces
Root of Deception and coated lies!

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Stay


Stay for you have my heart
Stay for we promised to never be apart
Stay for you rule my soul
Stay! Without you I cannot be whole
Stay for you are my joy
Stay for I am your tears
Stay for I will heal your wounds
Stay for you will fill my emptiness
Stay for our fate is entwined
Stay for we are meant to be
Stay for life is short to waste it on faults
Stay to fight with me, play with me
Stay to laugh with me, cry with me
Stay for you are a part of me
Stay as you and I are meant to be.

Somehow Seen


Somehow she managed to smile, to look peaceful on the outside when there was a war inside.

Somehow she made everyone’s day while hers had been marked dead, made them smile while it had been ages since she had smiled herself.

Somehow she pulled herself together when she was broken to pieces just to save others from falling apart, to make them strong, to help them hold on.

Somehow she lived each day with people who would never miss her other than the time when they needed her.

Somehow she still  lived with the truth that people only took advantage of her patience and perseverance. She still managed not to appear hurt and smile throughout.

Somehow the person who smiled and smiled, didnt feel the tears leaking from her eyes. No one saw those tears.

No one.

But me.

When I saw her tears, I fell to my knees.

Her tears were pure, they were real

She was hurt and in pain

No one saw her, no one knew her

They all claimed to be her friend but she was alone and no one realised that

Pity on her. Shame on them

When I saw her tears, my heart broke.

My pain was so sharp but it was a fraction of her pain which touched me

I died a little inside knowing her struggles, her hurdles

The sorrows she beared, the pains she took

The walk she walked, the talks she talked!

I couldnt see her this way and I turned away

Leaving her with the black shadows

Somehow she managed to live in them

Somehow she managed to remain unseen

To stay hidden

Not Ready To Accept


I know what it is, I know why it is
My fault, my mistake
Too much of a coward to agree
To accept what I want to reject
I hate to take the responsibility
I would like to turn the wheels of time
Go back where I went wrong
Stop myself from being so headstrong
I want to change the past, to squish my heart
To apply logic, to demand patience
To check my steps, to avoid the other path
To break my back than walk that walk
I would’ve rather died than be where I am
I would’ve given up everything just to turn back time.

What I was


I was a soap bubble, all smooth and soft 

Transparent on either side, the air holding me aloft 

I was into myself, the world was me 

I held no one, no one held me

I was open and I was free,

I was as vast and as deep as the open sea

I was the bright blue sky, I was the true blue 

I had it in me, the shine and glitter, all true.

 

I was that green garden where flowers held mass 

Singing lullabies, a dance gathering

I was the tree in that garden, I was a flower 

I was all the green grass blades and I was the wild bush

I was the bee, chasing you 

I was the foliage, shading you 

 

But now that I lost what I was 

You gave me an escape

You let me out through the back door

You saved me from the destruction which was in store

The blue sky, the green grass

The mighty sun, the shiny stars 

 No one is mine, for all is lost 

I am lost and out the back door 

Away from everything, off to find another shore.

My First Day As The “Head Girl” Of Presentation Convent Hr. Sec. School, Srinagar


Today was a very important day. Today was my first day as the Head Girl of PCHSS and naturally I wanted to look my best. I always look my best but today I took extra care. I polished my shoes and managed to keep them dry and shiny despite the ugly rain. It was going good till I reached my chemistry tuition. Thats where my day started to go downhill. We usually take off our shoes outside the classroom. Now after the class was over and our teacher dismissed us, I went outside only to find that my shoes were missing!!!!!!!!
We searched around frantically. “We” includes my brother, my teacher, another teacher and the assistant there. If you are thinking what I was doing let me tell you that I was standing there and crying.
Yes. Yes, I do cry over these silly things. Only three things trigger my tears :
1. My Hair.
2. My Shoes
3. My Uniform.
Since my shoes which I had painstakingly polished to a shine had been stolen and I had to reach school in 15 minutes, I started crying.
The whole building started looking for my shoes. Anyways, I got angry. I started moving down the stairs barefeet.
I decided to buy a new pair of shoes on my way to school. My brother would help me with it. But to my bad luck, all shops were closed as it was quite early plus it was raining. I hate rain!!!
So my brother dropped me at school without my shoes. I took off my socks and ran barefeet in the rain on the road. My principal saw me and I told her everything. She took me to her office and made me sit there. My teacher arranged shoes for me. And it took her 45 min to do so. Till then I waited in the principal’s office.
That, my friends, was the morning. How lovely!!
I didnt have breakfast in the morning and I had duties in the lunch break. My other members of the council were nowhere to be seen ( lazy) and so I had to stand there throughout the lunch break. Hence, I didnt have lunch either.
Great!!!
After the school got over, my teacher took me alongwith her and we bought a new pair of shoes. After that, she dropped me to my afternoon tuition.
And from there I had to walk home!!!
I reached home, got ready and left for another tuition. Awesome!!!!!!!
And now after all this, I am sitting on my bed, typing away …
Dead. My first days never go well. Never!
I lost my shoes. I ran in the rain. I cried a lot.
Life is bliss I know

Shifa Naseer

A Face In The Crowd


Today while walking home from tuition, I saw something that stirred me inside. I was truely touched by the sight.
A lady was walking with her two small children, carrying their school bags. The lady must’ve been young but looked quite old by her appearance. She looked tired and worn out. She was wearing a faded scarf and salwar kameez. She was walking behind her two little children who were trodding happily in front of her. She seemed tense. It may be because the parraypora road is quite crowded and she was trying to keep her eyes on her children.
The children were in their school uniforms. I didnt recognise the uniform so I dont know about the school. Their uniforms were a little shabby but neat and tidy. Judging by their appearance, they werent that well off. I felt bad about it. I kept thinking about that lady. How much she would struggle each day to take her children to school until they grow up enough to do that themselves. Sigh. It made me realise that no matter how big our problems are, there’s always someone who’s condition is worse than ours. That lady looked quite old for her years. She had that look about her which felt that no one knew what she had to face. How much she had had to cope, to struggle to work hard.
But it might also be the fact that I am reading too much into a face.

Hail her who cares for you
Praise her who sacrifices for you
Live for her, always and forever
Never take her granted, for she is your mother.

No Response


I knocked on the door of heaven and above
Stood there, tattered and torn
Screaming pleas and all that I could think of
Hoping against hope for a guide to guide
Through the tough times, always by my side
Knocking, clawing, at the door
With a stubborn lock so rude
It didnt budge and neither did I find solace
Until my strength waned
And blood froze in my veins
I continued my struggle, my urge to survive
But I got no response, no reply
Only silence as I bowed there
With a hopeless and saddened heart.

Shifa Naseer

My Blank Pages


I look at his picture
A tender and kind face
My heart melts at it
Twisting into agony
At his absense.
My first Blank page.
After school, standing alone
Walking alone, out of the gate
Pained to see what I dont have
Longing for it, my heart wails in vain
My second Blank page.
Coming home to a lonely mother
A rebel of a brother
Silence reigns, forever remains
I stare with a dread so deep
Rips my heart as I collapse and weep
My third Blank page.
The holes I see, the gaps I feel
No one knows what air I breathe
A blank diary with faded white
Crinkly and fading fast
As dust to dust it goes around
My blank pages keep turning along.

Considering Each Side


Looking at her dad
Eyes filled with expectations
Longing for her father to look back
To say that he loves her
To hold her in his arms
To cherish the moments they share
But he never did
She waited and kept on waiting
While she lived like a servant in her own home
Her brother went to a place called “school”
But she was not allowed to go out
Cooped up in her home
She ached for the open ground
The feel of dew as she would walk on the grass
The morning breeze caressing her
The night bringing solace
Sadly, she never saw it
Years later, she was adorned with jewels so rare
Oh how she squealed with delight
Felt that her father had finally noticed her
As she went to him
All dressed and proud
She was handed over to someone else
She didnt understand
She had done nothing wrong
But daddy was sending her away!
As the realisation dawned
She writhed and screamed
Consumed by her rage
All it took was a slap across her face
Silencing her for her lifetime
Whisked away to a stranger’s place
To die, to hide, to waste

Shifa Naseer

What The Hell?


I really really dont get it. I amtotally messed up. One minute I am happy and the next I am restless. One minute I forgive those who hurt me and the next I am fuming that they did. What is wrong with me? I am tired of myself. I hate these mood swings. Staying away from home is helping though. I wouldve turned bonkers there. Smiling feels like a burden these days. I dont like it! I laugh to hide my fears and that makes me look stupid. Thats so great! (sarcasm dripping from my words!)
Save me.

Shifa Naseer

Revelations … Indeed


Poured out my soul
Revealed my darkest secrets
Making myself vulnerable
I held on to what I believed
I had hope in my belief
Felt I was right in all that I did
Going against everything I believed in
I hoped to gain my belief
But I never realised my belief was never mine
Mine to cherish and thrive
Belief is what flies away
Into the setting sun
Evening flourishes and cuts across my heart
As I was brought back to reality
A reality so bitter yet so true
A mirage lifted from my eyes
But I didnt see that one coming
As my belief was strong
Until the break of dawn

Read and connect to yourselves what you would like to be in the above lines … Connect.

Shifa Naseer

Am I?


I feel nothing as if
I dont feel
They dont see me as if
I dont exist
I hover in the dark as if
The world has left me
They ignore me as if
I have no importance
I am not missed as if
I am good riddance
They dont care as if
I dont have a heart
I am trampled as if
The ground holds me
They overlook me as if
I am a shadow …

I feel it in my heart.
I feel it in my bones.
I am unwanted and unwelcome
Hopelessly weird and lonesome

Shifa Naseer

The Rage In Me


Anger boils in me
For people who dont care
Care to see that they hurt me
But no! They dont!
They make it worse
Make my life a curse
The subdued anger is poison
It eats me away
I become all ash and flakes
Blow with the wind in rage
A pure rage of contempt
Rage for their ignorance
I might die as it is too much
Die for anger, die for relief
Die for pain, die for ease

Shifa Naseer

Going Away!


I need a break. My nerves are on the edge. I am angry at so many people at the same time, it makes me go bonkers. Urgh!
And the worst part is no one knows how angry I really am. It is totally not fair. I bear the hurt and then I got to bear the anger.
There was a time when I used to take out my anger all the time. It now seems like I can never do that. I dont take out my anger at all. Its sick and awful.
#scowling . And so I am doing what I am best at and that is running away. I need some time away from people. All of them.
All too tired and angry.

Shifa Naseer

No Escape


The world spins around me
As I try to collect the broken pieces
Consciousness hates my company
As I lose to the darkness of eternity

Aaagghhh …  I have continuous headache since two weeks. Its squeezing the life out of me. I feel totally drifting. I am not in balance these days it seems. My frown is forever etched onto my face and I swear I am running out of patience now.

Shifa Naseer

Life Doesn’t Suck, We Suck At Life


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All we do is curse our lives. We say life is not fair! We say its all lies and deceit. But have you ever wondered that just somewhere, somehow you are at fault too? Have you thought that what happened to you was a consequence of your actions? That life just drifted to where you blew your wind?
Reflect on it, dont play the blame game. Nothing comes out of it but bitterness and hopelessness.
Just reflect on your life and see how much you suck at living. It just might help you.

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Shifa Naseer