Free will is a myth?

One of the reasons the film Inception really settled down in my mind is because of the whole idea of the “idea” which takes root in our mind and we cannot shake it off. We sit on it, we brood about it and maybe, if we are feeling less lazy that particular day, we do something about it. 

But, overall, life is pretty simple if you play by the rules; rules written by some people who are long since turned to dust. But the words etched with the blood of those forced to adhere to remains. The ghost of the past still haunts us all.  

We all have a role to play in the larger scheme of things. No, I don’t mean destiny because that part may be true. What I’m referring to is the role society puts you up to when you’re born.

A name tag to identify you as the progeny of a couple living in a certain age, an upbringing following the code of conduct of a particular society. It’s all jolly well until an emptiness seizes you while following the script to a dot.

Remember ‘Que sera, sera’? It means ‘whatever will be, will be’. 

I wonder if that is really the case, what role do our choices play in our lives? If it was meant to happen, as they always say, then do I really need to be calculating about my life choices?

We make choices of our “free will” but have your ever thought of your options? Our options are the ones accepted by the system. Defer from them and oh, you’re a social pariah.

I don’t claim to understand life.

But if that is the philosophy of life, I wonder, why not be a leaf in the river, drifting where it will take you. Life would be so much simple if we all submit to “fate”. That’s an idea. 

Where is the complication?

The questions that you should be asking is why is no one happy with the system or why are we restless and lost with a haze on our eyes and a lock on our common sense. 

Why indeed?

We’re drowning in everything: Misconceptions, bias, hate, jealousy, soul-crushing depression. Everything is overwhelming. Where is the will to live?

I don’t have answers. But what works is denial. Below is a conversation we have all had in our lives, either as A or as B. Some days we are A, and other days we are B.

A: You’re okay?
B: We never are.
A: Yes but your memes are dark these days. Talk to me. What happened?
B: There’s nothing to talk about and I won’t kill myself. So, I should be okay.
A: Is this necessary? 🙄 I wish you’d talk to me and not keep me at arm’s length.
B: I wish I knew how to. There’s no point talking. Chill. Everything is okay. 

Somehow Seen

Somehow she managed to smile, to look peaceful on the outside when there was a war inside.

Somehow she made everyone’s day while hers had been marked dead, made them smile while it had been ages since she had smiled herself.

Somehow she pulled herself together when she was broken to pieces just to save others from falling apart, to make them strong, to help them hold on.

Somehow she lived each day with people who would never miss her other than the time when they needed her.

Somehow she still  lived with the truth that people only took advantage of her patience and perseverance. She still managed not to appear hurt and smile throughout.

Somehow the person who smiled and smiled, didnt feel the tears leaking from her eyes. No one saw those tears.

No one.

But me.

When I saw her tears, I fell to my knees.

Her tears were pure, they were real

She was hurt and in pain

No one saw her, no one knew her

They all claimed to be her friend but she was alone and no one realised that

Pity on her. Shame on them

When I saw her tears, my heart broke.

My pain was so sharp but it was a fraction of her pain which touched me

I died a little inside knowing her struggles, her hurdles

The sorrows she beared, the pains she took

The walk she walked, the talks she talked!

I couldnt see her this way and I turned away

Leaving her with the black shadows

Somehow she managed to live in them

Somehow she managed to remain unseen

To stay hidden

Not Ready To Accept

I know what it is, I know why it is
My fault, my mistake
Too much of a coward to agree
To accept what I want to reject
I hate to take the responsibility
I would like to turn the wheels of time
Go back where I went wrong
Stop myself from being so headstrong
I want to change the past, to squish my heart
To apply logic, to demand patience
To check my steps, to avoid the other path
To break my back than walk that walk
I would’ve rather died than be where I am
I would’ve given up everything just to turn back time.

What I was

I was a soap bubble, all smooth and soft 

Transparent on either side, the air holding me aloft 

I was into myself, the world was me 

I held no one, no one held me

I was open and I was free,

I was as vast and as deep as the open sea

I was the bright blue sky, I was the true blue 

I had it in me, the shine and glitter, all true.


I was that green garden where flowers held mass 

Singing lullabies, a dance gathering

I was the tree in that garden, I was a flower 

I was all the green grass blades and I was the wild bush

I was the bee, chasing you 

I was the foliage, shading you 


But now that I lost what I was 

You gave me an escape

You let me out through the back door

You saved me from the destruction which was in store

The blue sky, the green grass

The mighty sun, the shiny stars 

 No one is mine, for all is lost 

I am lost and out the back door 

Away from everything, off to find another shore.

Betrayal Consequences

I thought you were a friend
How naiive I was to believe you
All those laughs and all those talks
All the sharing and sticking together
How I fell for it, How really you proved me wrong
You broke my trust, you shook my ship
You betrayed, you lied to me
You backstabbed, you were a fake
You are mean and you are double faced
I wont forgive you, just slam a brick in your face
There’s a hatred in my heart so deep
I wont spare you, I wont let you go
You will pay for the friendship you sold
You will reep for all the hurt you gave
I will kill you and I will slay you
I will burn you
And I wont stop until I break you.

Shifa Naseer

What The Hell?

I really really dont get it. I amtotally messed up. One minute I am happy and the next I am restless. One minute I forgive those who hurt me and the next I am fuming that they did. What is wrong with me? I am tired of myself. I hate these mood swings. Staying away from home is helping though. I wouldve turned bonkers there. Smiling feels like a burden these days. I dont like it! I laugh to hide my fears and that makes me look stupid. Thats so great! (sarcasm dripping from my words!)
Save me.

Shifa Naseer