I Cant Turn Back


One step ahead of me, you stand
Carrying what I wish, what I want
I cant take that step
Its too hard
To raise my foot, to stamp it
To put it forward, move towards you
You take more steps, farther away now
I stand, looking helpless
For I can never hope to catch up
I stand still, the weight on my heart
I wave at you to stop, to wait for me
Yet you move on, not looking at me
I burn inside, I want you here
I plead, I beg but you go on.

Turning around, I walk away
Towards the other end, away from you
Nothing will pull me around
I wont call me back
I am on a course to save my fragile heart
I cant turn back now
I retrace my steps
I take my words back
I pushed all memories aside
As I move on forward
You wont see me as I wont see you again
Never will I do this, never will I forget
Never will I let you rule me, never will I submit

Somehow Seen


Somehow she managed to smile, to look peaceful on the outside when there was a war inside.

Somehow she made everyone’s day while hers had been marked dead, made them smile while it had been ages since she had smiled herself.

Somehow she pulled herself together when she was broken to pieces just to save others from falling apart, to make them strong, to help them hold on.

Somehow she lived each day with people who would never miss her other than the time when they needed her.

Somehow she still  lived with the truth that people only took advantage of her patience and perseverance. She still managed not to appear hurt and smile throughout.

Somehow the person who smiled and smiled, didnt feel the tears leaking from her eyes. No one saw those tears.

No one.

But me.

When I saw her tears, I fell to my knees.

Her tears were pure, they were real

She was hurt and in pain

No one saw her, no one knew her

They all claimed to be her friend but she was alone and no one realised that

Pity on her. Shame on them

When I saw her tears, my heart broke.

My pain was so sharp but it was a fraction of her pain which touched me

I died a little inside knowing her struggles, her hurdles

The sorrows she beared, the pains she took

The walk she walked, the talks she talked!

I couldnt see her this way and I turned away

Leaving her with the black shadows

Somehow she managed to live in them

Somehow she managed to remain unseen

To stay hidden

Immobility


Pulse racing, head spinning
Trying to ward off the ache
Hoping to gain senses again
As I continue to fall into the abyss
Hardly any support, no movement at all
Praying to die, hoping to survive
Breathing labored as my parched lips crave water
My throat jammed, as I prepare for the oncoming slaughter
No time to rest, to gain strength
Lying there as good as dead
I stare and lament all the tears that I shed.

That obviously is an exaggeration but I am close to that stage too.

Shifa Naseer

What The Hell?


I really really dont get it. I amtotally messed up. One minute I am happy and the next I am restless. One minute I forgive those who hurt me and the next I am fuming that they did. What is wrong with me? I am tired of myself. I hate these mood swings. Staying away from home is helping though. I wouldve turned bonkers there. Smiling feels like a burden these days. I dont like it! I laugh to hide my fears and that makes me look stupid. Thats so great! (sarcasm dripping from my words!)
Save me.

Shifa Naseer