It’s funny that I remember this day
It was something which triggered the thought I carry in my mind since this afternoon
I can just type and you can read it and know if you wish what I feel.
Propping up my feet on the adjacent chair, I stare at the ceiling
My nose is blocked due to the cold triggered by the unruly Delhi weather.
I can’t breathe properly so my breathing is laboured
And I concentrate on one, and then the next and the next.
Till someone asked me if I was okay
I was okay. Sure.
In normal terms, as anyone would say
But I was drowning, if anyone could see, see for what I really was
A drowning creature in a poisoned water lake
I feel the pain in the centre of my chest
With every breath I take and hope the next one will not hurt.
I say I am okay because I know I won’t be able to explain in acceptable words what’s wrong with me
Why am I not happy?
I have thoughts which scare people for they live in denial and I think I know what we are facing
What everyone knows and yet doesn’t want to know.
I know it, I think, and so I despair for us all.
It’s been a long day, it’s been a long life.
I close my eyes, I hope to tell my tale
Someday to someone who understands how I feel.