One Afternoon 

It’s funny that I remember this day 

It was something which triggered the thought I carry in my mind since this afternoon 

I can just type and you can read it and know if you wish what I feel. 

Propping up my feet on the adjacent chair, I stare at the ceiling 

My nose is blocked due to the cold triggered by the unruly Delhi weather. 

I can’t breathe properly so my breathing is laboured 

And I concentrate on one, and then the next and the next. 

Till someone asked me if I was okay 

I was okay. Sure. 

In normal terms, as anyone would say 

But I was drowning, if anyone could see, see for what I really was

A drowning creature in a poisoned water lake 

I feel the pain in the centre of my chest 

With every breath I take and hope the next one will not hurt. 

I say I am okay because I know I won’t be able to explain in acceptable words what’s wrong with me 

Why am I not happy? 

I have thoughts which scare people for they live in denial and I think I know what we are facing 

What everyone knows and yet doesn’t want to know. 

I know it, I think, and so I despair for us all. 

It’s been a long day, it’s been a long life. 

I close my eyes, I hope to tell my tale 

Someday to someone who understands how I feel. 


A little of this, A little of that

It usually starts with a story, a story of someone not well in life 

Not happy,  not satisfied 

It always starts with the hunger to go forward, to reach where you are meant to

Come on, move on, like time

Strike twelve already! 

It’s my story, I like half past three 

When I reach the end gate, a voice in me begs to turn around 

Turn around and back up those steps and into the bed 

For nothing can touch you while you act dead. 

It’s weed, it’s infectious, it crawls up on me, unannounced. 

I wince when it hits, I cry when it crushes me to the depths of despair 

I wind the time to half past three 

And it’s silent again,  it’s silent in my soul. 

It’s never locked for long as the clock strikes ten 

I again descend the stairs to hell.

Catch my breath,  feel the fire, know that I know 

What happens when the curtains fall

When the light is turned back on. 

I Never Learn

Take a lesson, learn it and pass the test 

They teach you that, don’t they? 

And yet, here I am, repeating the same class over and over again. 

I never learn and unlike the years, I never pass! 

It’s a day of loss, day of despair 

We lost you and you lost yourself 

Or maybe you found it, who knows? 

It’s ruined eternally,  my mental peace of knowing you don’t exist 

Not anymore, not outside my memories. 

The memories which hurt and yet are cherished. 

What do I say the reason for my tears? 

Half the blog filled with yearly eulogies? 

What do I say, the reason for my sadness? 

How do I explain, the long gone moment of death. 

When I was not there, when you were slipping away…  

What do I say of the days of gold 

When the sun shone right into my heart 

For we knew you were there to hold us? 

I mask my sadness in something else 

Indifference, towards myself 

Denial towards the world, towards the cycle of years 

Bringing back the agony, refreshing the pain 

Periodic dosage, what use do I have of drugs when this does the trick? 

Sends me into oblivion, throws me into the ‘high’ zone of something which cannot be called bliss.

I miss you, I do. Every day I cry for how it ended. 

No joy is joy without your laugh and it turns to ash in my mouth, wish I could tell you how. 

Nothing Beyond Today

Do not come to me for words of kindness 

I have none to offer, nothing to share

Do not seek me for guidance, I am more lost than you are

I wander, but I know there are no answers 

No guidelines for life

All you have is your stupid voice, in the back of your head


“End the agony,”

It’s amusing to me, I know not if it’s for you

I await the sweet Release of death 

Whenever it graces me with tenderness. 

My Godot is lost too, maybe we would be stuck under the tree

So no asking for help, no seeking the higher path

There is nothing beyond, nothing beyond today. 

Like Dandelion

She is one entity, free from any tag, any name which is not her own 

She has nothing to her name, no one has her back. 

She just is, one. 

Like a dandelion drifting in the wind 

Rootless, yet with a sense of destined path 

She has to follow too,  but she is alone. 

Damn the spirit which never breaks 

Those silent tears in moments of utter despair 

That smile which never fades 

No matter the ordeal. 

She just is, one. 

Wild in her own way, drifting in the course of the wind 

Making her own way, 

To you. 

Twinkling Stars

Stars twinkle, or are those lights? 

Which seem to be fading out as I try hard to stare 

To make sense, it is all falling apart in my head 

Or is my body collapsing? 

Am I giving up? I fear

This is what it feels like to let go? 

Did I even let go? 

Or am I just fading, like dreams in my sleep 

Those lights still twinkle, or are those stars? 
From the morose attitude to the struggle to be happy, heartfelt wishes to all. Happy Diwali! 

Like saffron, this scent comes drifting to me 

In the breeze, mixed with something sweet 

Who knows what it is 

But the saffron lights on the horizon can tell

Spread over the clouds, scattered across the sky

It’s the end of another day, another time

Longing creeps over me as I remember them one by one 

And sigh the deep sigh of despair.