I am drowning in regret
What could have been done to save a sinking ship?
In my defense, I didn’t realise there was a leak
A leak that took my dreams down with it.
Into an abyss of the infinite ocean, never to be found in the depths of silence.
Muffled forever, hidden behind mysteries unknown to me.
And I am floating, towards the endless horizon
Not knowing when the suffering will end, when it will end.
The ship has sunk, and my spirits sunk with it
And regret is something that comes unannounced and never when required.
When it reaches you, don’t panic.
Let it wash over you, and float away to your own horizon
I stand at crossroads, I stand alone.
I stand in desperation, I stand in need of help.
Staring at failure, behind me and ahead
I look and I see closed doors, I see the end.
Could it be that this was the last chapter?
The pages have finished and I can see the binding?
It’s the end?
Give me a reason and I will leave.
I have the cause, I have the scars
I just need one reason and I will walk.
To the end of the borders that they made and I will cross over
Will all the paper work, ofcourse.
Down to the last mole on my body
I will be identified and tagged and followed as I live across the border
From where I stand today.
At least I won’t be in pain. But let’s not tempt fate.
I chose to fight without knowing the game was rigged.
I never stood a chance as I fell on the battefield
Losing to destiny, it was bittersweet
Everything I could do, I did
Rules weren’t fair, and I lost a losing battle.
Today is the 8th Birthday of this blog.
This blog saved my life.
You’re the dew drops on a petal
You’re the pigeon soaring among the clouds
You’re a shooting star in a black hole
You’re the source of light
In my life
Words sometimes leave you speechless
And sometimes inflict wounds that never heal.
Hearing stories of misery from other people like me
Stuck in a loop of a memory frame, longing for things that they’re never going to get back
They tell me tales of sorrow, my heart cries for them and it cries for me
I see the world for what it is, a sorrowful place with pockets of happiness
I am afraid I may have used up all my pockets, and now I am in a cloud of misery
Listening to people in their clouds, hoping you could make it better
Hoping, that time would turn back and I could fix what I did wrong
Writing has lost its flavour, I do not feel it in me that a piece is good
I have lost the sense of contentment I used to find in words
Maybe I changed last June, maybe I broke.