I’m leaving


The corner where you last saw me, I am leaving it behind

The last look, the last straw that was, I am leaving it behind

A few drawings, few writing, baubles, and memories, I am leaving it all behind

I am turning the page, I am driving away, I am taking the blind curve

And never looking back.

If ever you venture into what I call is abandonment zone, I won’t be there.

Reminds me of a song long forgotten

Call me a thousand times but I am lost to you.

I am leaving you behind, I am leaving everything behind.

Trauma


It isn’t something that just happened to you

Trauma, it is not something you lay there for everyone to see

It’s a business of closed doors, it’s a parade of darkness and denial

Trauma, you feel it, you snap like a rubber band, recoiling inside

Like a snake curls up when it feels what snaky beings feel

Like the panda, who faces the wall, alone when sad.

Sad.

Sad becomes your new smile

You wear it every day, sometimes even in your reflection just to rid your face of the frown

The frown you’ve been wearing since forever

The ugly head of the fears you suppress, you don’t have time to open that box of worms

The fears spring out at you right when you’re about to fall into the abyss called sleep

And sleep alludes you.

Then begins the struggle to fall into nothingness, some relief

You are denied even that, because ofcourse, your trauma

It’s a living thing, growing inside you, taking away your will to live.

And all you do is smile that sad smile to replace the frown to keep people at bay

Denial. Distraction.

The trauma is drama, they say and walk away

You try to pretend, you try to hide further into your corner and still they leave

You’re too much to handle, a reality that they are not aware of yet

And yet you’re blamed and left alone.

Thats your trauma. Loneliness and abandonment as you try to smile to replace the frown to keep the questions at bay.

Failed love stories


There’s nothing more I can do but stand on my head and hope that the person ahead of me will stop and turn and look at me while I burn.

There is nothing more that I can do but cry and wail in despair while trying to convince the person ahead of me to stop and look while I turn to ash.

There is absolutely nothing I can do but watch as each love story fails, one after another, making me wonder if it was me leaving all along

Fail. Stories. Of. Love. Told in ways that no one understood. As leaves started falling in Autumn and the breeze picked up speed

Whipping my hair across my face and reminding me to treat them like dirt. You are dirt.

You had to know


You claim to love, you claim to care and yet you hurt, you refuse to share

Mighty high your attitude stands, anger issues fuel the fire

Refusing to meet the eye, you turn away from the one you love

And who loves you? One person from the crowd, can easily be misled

Into believing that you do not care.

Talk about metaphors and veiled attacks and never be on point.

Well, it’s a shame for you had to know that this time, it was different.

You had to know that the lover wouldn’t give up until he/she loves.

You had to know.

Regret


I am drowning in regret

What could have been done to save a sinking ship?

In my defense, I didn’t realise there was a leak

A leak that took my dreams down with it.

Into an abyss of the infinite ocean, never to be found in the depths of silence.

Muffled forever, hidden behind mysteries unknown to me.

And I am floating, towards the endless horizon

Not knowing when the suffering will end, when it will end.

The ship has sunk, and my spirits sunk with it

And regret is something that comes unannounced and never when required.

When it reaches you, don’t panic.

Let it wash over you, and float away to your own horizon

Closed Doors


I stand at crossroads, I stand alone.

I stand in desperation, I stand in need of help.

Staring at failure, behind me and ahead

I look and I see closed doors, I see the end.

Could it be that this was the last chapter?

The pages have finished and I can see the binding?

It’s the end?

Crossing borders


Give me a reason and I will leave.

I have the cause, I have the scars

I just need one reason and I will walk.

To the end of the borders that they made and I will cross over

Will all the paper work, ofcourse.

Down to the last mole on my body

I will be identified and tagged and followed as I live across the border

From where I stand today.

At least I won’t be in pain. But let’s not tempt fate.