Cesspool of feelings that I want to avoid, and yet cannot escape from
Like the tea leaves accumulating at the bottom of a tea cup, I feel useless, messy and in your way
Its hard to get out of this storm unleashed by my heart in protest of the pain it felt when it cracked
Not like the mirror which cracked from side to side, but a more silent tear which no one heard, no one saw but I
And I carry that tormented heart wherever I go, I wear it not on my sleeve, I hide it behind a smile of glee
Its hard to get out of that smile which has stuck, spasms rock my body and yet its unyielding
Making me realise that its my treaty with the pain for its too hard to get out of this world you left for me to enjoy
From the dust accumulating in the corners of my room, to the strewn clothes I wore one by one all week, everything looks up at me expectation, waiting for me to snap
Hoping for me to show signs of life, hoping that someday I will get up, dust off and walk away.
But its too hard to get out of the idea of you, whatever is left of you in me, whatever I have chosen to keep.