I Never Learn

Take a lesson, learn it and pass the test 

They teach you that, don’t they? 

And yet, here I am, repeating the same class over and over again. 

I never learn and unlike the years, I never pass! 

It’s a day of loss, day of despair 

We lost you and you lost yourself 

Or maybe you found it, who knows? 

It’s ruined eternally,  my mental peace of knowing you don’t exist 

Not anymore, not outside my memories. 

The memories which hurt and yet are cherished. 

What do I say the reason for my tears? 

Half the blog filled with yearly eulogies? 

What do I say, the reason for my sadness? 

How do I explain, the long gone moment of death. 

When I was not there, when you were slipping away…  

What do I say of the days of gold 

When the sun shone right into my heart 

For we knew you were there to hold us? 

I mask my sadness in something else 

Indifference, towards myself 

Denial towards the world, towards the cycle of years 

Bringing back the agony, refreshing the pain 

Periodic dosage, what use do I have of drugs when this does the trick? 

Sends me into oblivion, throws me into the ‘high’ zone of something which cannot be called bliss.

I miss you, I do. Every day I cry for how it ended. 

No joy is joy without your laugh and it turns to ash in my mouth, wish I could tell you how. 


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