Crap and loads more 

For everything that I want in life, I must struggle for it. Nothing comes easy. Hey, I am not being self indulgent here. I know it’s true. I have my whole life as proof to present. I am sick and tired of fighting all the time. I just want it to end. I want what I want with a struggle but not having the thing even after the struggle is what kills me. I am okay making efforts because hey everyone makes efforts. But they get what they want! I don’t. I end up with empty hands and a fake smile so as not to spread the misery. People around me are happy. I am happy they are happy. What makes me miserable is that it’s the people I love who are not there to see my misery and I cannot be selfish to ruin their days. If not me, then somebody else. Even at my expense. Maybe I am okay with it too. But maybe I am not. I just need to get it together but no matter how hard I try, it always comes down to this “you are not the only one who has problems”. If I don’t tell you, who do I tell when I clearly see that you don’t want to listen. And so i stay quiet. 

Silence won’t hurt you. It will only eat me alive. 


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