Everyone quotes their fathers at some point in life to validate something.
“You know, my father used to say …”
“My father always believed in …”
“My father would never …”
I think I have done that too in the past when I remembered who he was specifically or when he was alive. Tomorrow is my father’s birthday. Yes, his birthday on 15th February.
I was thinking all day today about what I would write this year about him. A poem? Some random lines? Or just say that I miss him? I have been saying these things for years now, on this very blog and I can go on for years to come for this is not something I can give up on. Its the only thing left.
This year is different. I cannot exactly answer why it feels a little different than the previous ones. So no obvious posts about Dad this year.
Then I thought that I should share a good happy memory that I have of him but surprisingly, I couldn’t recall any good memories. Every memory involves him either in hospitals or at home, always sick, always in the bed.
And this thought brought me back to my feelings and I realised how in my bitterness, I let the good memories slide away and preserved the nightmares.
With you, life was a little better
A little less effort, a little less hard work
With you, there was a definition of joy
Many smiles, happiness in our hearts
Darkness has descended in that house of yours
The inmates turned out
Silence speaks for the deserted rooms
But your grey coat, which always suited you, still smells of you.