Life. *angry*

Now I honestly am pissed at life for so many things that I have stopped counting.
It is brutal and mean. It is cruel. I cannot imagine how many more times will I fall on my face just because my life takes a fancy to that action. Maybe I look hilarious when I fall. Maybe life is just a big, bad bully and it loves to bully me. Maybe I am a bad person and I deserve to be punished by seeing the people I love suffer like this. And maybe, maybe I am so ungrateful that no matter what I do, I never find peace. All this is in my head today and this feeling of vulnerability is not good. It is making me edgy. I feel helpless. I cant seem to help those I love. And it is not helping my mental stability. I just spent one day with my family and I realise how crappy my life is right now. Bysa Papa is not well at all. I cant see him this weak, this helpless and this sick. I couldn’t help but turn away Every time his face contorted in pain. My pain is less than his and yet I find it hard to live. Its just like papa situation all over again. Its like life is repeating itself after four years. Maybe my life isnt creative that it will give me new situations to deal with. Maybe it is out of ideas and that is why all my family and I go through this shit every few years. And by few I mean two or three years.
What is wrong with me? Or my life? Why is nothing normal in my life?
I would like to be normal for once and actually live like we are supposed to.

7 thoughts on “Life. *angry*

  1. “In the fell clutch of circumstance, I’ve not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance. My head is bloody but unbowed”
    You remind me of this. You’ve been strong so far and be the same NOW. Life acts as a bitch to each one of us.

  2. Do not give up as life is a struggle although you cannot lose hope as when hope is lost then nothing remains. Just try and be strong.

  3. Thats the thing about Pain , it demands to be felt. :/ . But all we can do is pray to Allah to ease our sufferings and not burden us more than we can take. May Allah’s blessings be upon u n ur loved ones.

  4. to be honest i cant understand the pain that u are feeling this very moment. the person who is having pain is the only on who can in real senses understand the pain. other people can only feel a bit of it but when you have someone ill in your family the pain is really killing can understand how tough it is to live in those situations when every now and then u are pissed off by tragedy. i passed through this stage when i was out from my home cant explain how much u care for the family when u are out. i am living away from my family from too many years but every now the care the family is much. may Allah give u courage and my prayers are with you and your family. Allah is the only hope. keep praying

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