Deciding What We Deserve


I decide today.
You deserve nothing from me.
I deserve lonliness from you.
You can do as you please
If you want pain, give it with ease
But Let me be alone for I deserve solitude.
Bliss it is, if I dont see you.
Trust me when you talked of death in terms of my father
You lost all respect in my eyes
You dont deserve my respect
I dont deserve your faithless company
Keep your lies to yourself, your threats to you
For you dont deserve me and I dont deserve you.

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It’s Not What It Looks Like


Its not as easy as I make it look, not as smooth

Its not what you think, this pretension of a life

I wait in the dark, I wait for light

I wait for you to end my plight.

 

Its not a bed of roses, this life

Its more of a walk among the thorns, barefoot

Each prick that I endure, each drop of blood that spills

Its not what it seems to be, its just my blood singing

Singing to the rhythm of your heartbeat.

 

Its not what it looks like, floating over clouds

I just lost my way while looking for your fate

I seem at my leisure while I drown inside

I suffocate while it seems I enjoy the stroll.

 

Arduous as it is, I am still glad it is!

The pain, a reminder!

Cloudy mist, soothing my nerves

The wind, caressing with a touch

So soft, a slap

To wake, not stop.

I seem to never be through

The invisible ties that lead me to you!

I Am Not A Sadist


Though there are loops and there are holes, dim light and more shadowy corners. I still smile and laugh and breathe. I may be pretending more but I dont lie. If I am well, I say I am well. If I feel sick of smiling, I wont smile. My smile is genuine and I smile only when I want to which is rarely. So don’t say I am a sadist for I look reasons to be happy. It is an entirely different question that life hardly gives an opportunity. I am not a sadist. I just look at life from everyone’s perspective and write about it. Its not that I am always crying in a corner. I don’t cry unless it is something really saddening.

So don’t think I am a sadist. I am not.

Need For Solitude


I tried my luck, I made some friends.

I thought it was okay to let my feelings known.

I said it out loud every time, I made it clear every time

What I felt, what I believed.

I said it then, I say it now

But its unbelievable to those who are my friends

A little bit of trust they cannot invest

I am an independent quantity

I don’t need company

I am better off alone than being falsely accused

There is a need for solitude in me

A need to find myself under the load of blames and lies

Solitude is bliss, 

Something that I had heard and now I know.

I will fade and forever leave,

Hastily in to the darkness unseen

Around the world If you turn to find me

To bring me back to you

Even if you do it again and again

You will face emptiness and silence

Over everything that once was mine

Until you give up and let me go.

 

 

Heigh-ho! sing,…


Heigh-ho! sing, heigh-ho! unto the green holly:
Most friendship is feigning, most loving mere folly:
Then heigh-ho, the holly!
This life is most jolly

From William Shakespeare’s Poem “Blow Blow Thou Winter Wind”.

Quite thoughtful.

Pitiful State


I thought it over and I thought again

So many people labelled me so

I wonder why?

Do they not like my answers?

Or do I not say what they want to hear?

I hurt and I grieve that I have to prove

Everytime!

That the voice is true, what I say is true!

Why dont you believe me?

Why is it that you dont trust me?

Am I not good enough?

Do I not deserve a benefit of doubt?

I would say all this out loud

But all you would say is “Dont lie!”

Now the voice just died inside, It will never be heard again.

Ended yet another day, another flaw in my plan

I am not a liar, I say

You dont believe me,

So I save it for another day.

I let you shout and I let you growl

I will not be there to hear your scorn

You dont belive me, you can simply get up and leave.

Leave for good.