I have no words, none at all to describe how I feel right now. I never felt what I am feeling. I feel whole as well as empty at the same time. I feel whole as I spent a whole day with my friend but I feel empty as she’s leaving again tomorrow. It sucks being left behind while no one to turn to. I never felt more elated than a few hours ago but now I feel like crying! As they say, all good things come to an end. Sigh.
Having no friends is the worst thing that can happen to a person at my stage. My best friend is so close to me yet miles apart. I feel like shouting and cursing and blaming everyone. But still it won’t change the fact that I am alone. Every waking moment, I feel alone. Sigh.
To say goodbye, to bid farewell is the hardest thing a person does. And life makes me say the parting words so many times that it kind of rubs in.
But I still feel the full force or impact if you call it. The hurt, the pain, the sorrow, the loneliness is blinding. It crushes you! And to see people mocking at you for being a little depressed is outrageous. I swear whenever people feel sad, I try to cheer them up. But don’t I deserve the same? Am I not worth it ? Why do people say that they would like to see me cry? Why do they wish to see me so vulnerable? Just because I don’t cry in front of people or make a scene doesn’t mean I don’t feel! I too get hurt! I too feel pain but I don’t show it. That doesn’t give people the right to mock me!
I am polite enough not to retort back. But that does not mean that they will strangle me. They do not get it, do they ? No, they don’t. And why do I still think about their feelings while they crush mine is beyond me.
Posted from Shifa Naseer’s phone 🙂