My Desolate House

I live in my mom’s house ! We shifted there after dad’s death. My own home is somewhere else. We go to visit the place from time to time.
Today I went there and what met my eyes killed me today ! My house, my once beautiful home, lay in complete desolation ! All I saw today was the ruin of my past life ! My home was such a pleasant place before. Now I cannot stop the tears from coming whenever I go there.
Today was particularly painful ! Today I felt something. I don’t know what ! I have never seen my house so dirty, so empty, so dusty ! Dust covered every nook and corner of my home ! I was totally dumbfounded as I saw my home in new light ! I saw a concrete house which is decaying!
The silence was deafening, actually eerie! I heard the sound of the silence ! It weighed me down. I couldn’t stand still. The weight of my grief buckled my knees and I sat there on the bare cemented floor. The whole ceiling, the walls and the floor was covered by heavy and thick cobwebs! The cobwebs signify desolation and my house was desolated ! It has been uninhabited since two years. My house !
It used to be my refuge but now I don’t have one ! I am like a stranded ship without a harbor.
Whatever happens is always for the best ! But at times, the sorrow and the loss overwhelms me so much that I feel my life is a void !
The happy period in my life was when dad was alive. Now I don’t know what I am living. I don’t know happiness, the feeling of joy which comes from within ! I am totally at loss to explain what I felt today ! I don’t have enough words for what I witnessed. All I can say is that it made me sit there and cry!
I cried for my dead father!
I cried for my lost home !
I cried for my empty life !
I cried for the loneliness of my mother !
I cried for my ill fate !
I cried for my shattered dreams !
I cried for my unfulfilled wishes !
I cried for my ruined childhood !
I cried for the pain of my family !
I cried and I cried and I cried ……………….. but it never seems enough ! No matter how much I console myself, my heart wages wars with fate !
I never complained about my situation and I never will ! But everyone of us has that weak moment when the situation and the condition strikes a nerve and a person breaks down into a hundred pieces!


12 thoughts on “My Desolate House

  1. *sigh*
    I wish I could turn back time, I wish we were still neighbors, I wish life would never have taken that turn and I wish I had healing words to cure these wounds.
    But I can only wish and wish.

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