Fighting For Dawn

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It seems like the light is gone
Leaving me trembling in the dark
Senses are dulled, even my breathing has slowed
I cant seem to shout out, to gain some weight of reality
It all seems like a dream to me
A dark pit, going down and leading to melancholy
No whispers, no silhouettes, no shadows
Only a dark sense of existence, I hold
I suffer in this dreadful state, I am trapped in my web of memories
Rushing back to me, coming forth with fresh pain and wounds unhealed
I lay in the dark, I listen to my heart
I long for things to go back to normal
For this storm must pass me by without wreaking havoc
Else My sand castle would fall, and the waves would carry me away.

Flood

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I hear the sound, an inkling in the dark

Imminent danger, lurking somewhere my eyes cannot reach

The gates are closed, the walls stand tall

Is it me or I see cracks, the signs that it is all giving way

Giving way to a burden, more than what my body can bear

I hold that thought, I hold myself high

The torment I undergo, Just before the walls fall

I brace myself, I feel the sudden rush

No doubt I am scared, scared of the spirit the flood carries

Like a giant serpent, it makes its way through my gardens of peace

Trampling the flowers of my solace, leaving them nothing less than the weed like menace

Gobbling up the wooden floors of my stability, as I watch the ground disappear underneath me

My heart throbs as it sweeps up everything in its path

Leaving destruction in its wake, declaring an open war

The flood, as it breaks me down, as it tears me apart from what I knew was mine

The flood as it drives me away from what is mine, forcing me to retreat

The flood as it makes me weak, makes me bow down to my vulnerability

The flood as it is, a monstrous and destructive tyrant

What Can I Say?

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Its been more than a month now and I am pretty much adjusted in my college. I did make new friends, got selected in a cool society for debating and met the most amazing people. Lately, my schedule has been so crazy that I had little time for anything else. But since its a saturday night, I have some time at my disposal and I turn to my dear blog.

I remembered, when I shifted to my college campus, mom was so reluctant to leave me alone. It felt like we were back to the time when it was my first day in kindergarten and mom had to leave me for the first time in a room full of children as old as me and a stranger who was supposedly my teacher. I felt an odd sense of loss when mom left but I did not give it a thought. Today I remembered her face as she looked at me when she was leaving. It brings a smile on my face, thinking that mothers are such fascinating creatures ever!

Now, my friends are as weird as I am. I got lucky finding a bunch of people who are just like me.

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These are the people I am honoured to call my friends. Each one is as unique as the colours of the rainbow. Every day is an adventure with these guys. There is a guy among them whose expression is a little weird but thats just his style. *wink* 

Also, my classes are fun. After the exhausting study of science, English literature is actually a relief to my poor nerves. ;)

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Yup, that is me. Please dont Underestimate Me.

Now You might think that I said too much in a post that has been labelled as “What Can I Say?” but you see thats the charm of it all.

Goodnight, Dear readers!

The Calm Before The Tempest

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Now that I am here, I have a sense of belonging

I no longer stand out, I no longer have to hold my ground

Here, my stage is set, the path is lit

All I have to do is follow, and always follow through

No urge to flee, I feel a certain sense of calm

My nerves are at rest, I dont grit my teeth

I dont shrink away from others, I dont glance away in fear

It makes me uneasy, this new peace of mine

I feel it after years of turmoil and how is it that it yielded to me?!

I dont trust this feeling, I dont believe this peace

The silence of the raging voice, the eerie calm

Convince me of the imminent storm!

I have no support to hold on, no one to fall back on

I stand alone and even the ground wont hold me for long

The tempest will again ensnare me in my dark place

So damp, so murky, so cold it is

And the thought itself makes me shudder in fear

The fear of the onslaught, the fear of the unknown.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HomeSick

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As I toss and turn on a bed which is new for me
Unaware of how many slept in it before me
My fresh new sheets feel coarse to my skin
The pillows too high, the blanket too heavy
Restless, I try to find comfort in my memories
But Alas! They pierce my restless heart without mercy
As I think about the changes of my life
I think about what I left behind
I long for the gentle caress of my mother
The familiar touch, the sensible life
Home seems so far as I look around
The unwelcome, pale yellow of the walls
The dry bulbs with the dry, white, colourless light
I reach out and switch it off
With my cold bed and nothing to calm my nerves
On the verge of breaking down, I pray a silent prayer
The dark room plays tricks on my eyes
I cringe away and hide in my blanket
Its dark and its silent
Its almost as if its holding me down
I realise that I miss the comfort of my mom’s embrace
I shut my eyes and hold myself tight
I think of home, I think of light!

Freedom At Midnight

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Happy Independence Day!!!

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On 15th August, 1947, India was free from the hold of The British rule. A proud moment in the history of our country. The Tricolour Indian Flag, Our National Anthem. These are the jewels we carry in our hearts. No one has forgotten the lives that were slain for the sake of freedom of our country.
The patriotism in the heart of an Indian, the love for one’s countrymen, the vigour and unity is unique.

Since then, we have made progress given we have had only 68 years being free.

I learned my National Anthem when I was a child and I remember singing it with full concentration and standing in attention. It used to and still gives me the chills as I sing it for it makes me feel the love of my country flowing in the words which Mr. Rabindranath Tagore wrote.
We once had to make the Tricolour Flag in the School’s Annual Day and I was so proud to be a part of it. I was made to stand in the white strip.

Our National Anthem : Jana Gana Mana

Our National Song : Vande Mataram

Our National Motto : Satya Mev Jayate

Happy Birthday, Pami Khala. 5th August.

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Happy birthday Pami Khala!

Pami Khala was my mother’s elder sister. She was one of the best people I knew. She was as amazing as a person could be. She loved us equally and made us feel special. I have so many memories of her. I still remember her cute hands, her nose ring and the way she used to call her daughter. But as fate had it, she died of cancer in 2008.
Yes, I miss her. We all miss her. My family feels incomplete without her. She was one of the building blocks of our family. Her loss resonated throughout our family and relations. Her death was a tragedy for all those who personally knew her.
Today is her birthday. I still remember her last birthday with us. It was the last get together we had with her. Soon after her birthday in 2008, she was diagnosed with Cancer and within a month, she died.
It is an impossible truth for us. Her death was a blow to our family.
Her kind heart and soul was so valuable and we lost her to cancer.

No, I will not write any poetic lines for her. My grief on her death is far too great to think of some lines.

I still love her. I still miss her even after all these years. Her death left a hole, a gaping hole that still wont stop hurting.
On every occasion, she is being missed. And she will be missed until we live in this world carrying her memories with us. Forever.