Watching The Clock

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Safer than me, is the needle of the clock under the glass
Ticking along its own path, no obstacle and no stop
My life is ticking away like the needle going round and round
I watch from my bed, I watch the clock
The numbers mock me as the clock strikes each
Tick and a tock and my heart starts to race
I know my end is near and I know I am running out of time
So much left unsaid, so much still left to do
I believe in Him to grant me days
To grant me more chimes of the clock
The merciless fate doesnt listen and aggravates my agony
My miseries know no limits as my time comes
My daughters and my sons crying for me to stop
But I cant, my feet just wont stop
I let go as I am tired, I am tired.
I really give up. I do.

If Only I Could, I Would.

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Turn back the wheels of time as I sit astride the carriage of fate
I could feel the sand passing from my closed fist
The feeling of losing everything that I was left with
Trying to save what was breaking, my life as I knew it
If only I could, I would.

Rebuild what was turning into ruins
The rains lashing against my broken house
I stand in the middle of the catastrophe
I watch as he steps away from me
Quick, steady steps into oblivion as I watch
I cry, I shout, I beg to be heard
He smiles, he waves but he does not stop
I wanted to stop him
If only I could, I would.

Looking at my family, all shattered and torn
To wash away their wounds and scars
Dry away their tear stained faces
Kiss away the pain, wash away the misery
He left and he took the light with him
Leaving behind us, all exposed and vulnerable
With no walls around us
I wanted to build that wall again, more strong than ever
If only I could, I would.

Miss you Papa. Really I do. We all do.

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In An Ignorant Blissful World

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They showed me the real face of life way too soon

Forced me to watch, bear witness to the onslaught

I saw them pine away, I saw them die

I was there the whole time, I did not blink my eyes

I watched as my beloveds were gone, just like the sand in the wind

Slipping away with each breath, every movement seemed fatal

I grieved, I prayed and I hoped that they may be spared

I wanted to be spared too, spared from the pain and sorrow

To see life becoming more meaningless day by day

Getting emptier everyday, as I watch my home

Once filled with my beloveds, now standing alone

Who would understand me as I cry out in pain?

The world doesnt understand my struggle

They havent seen me writhe in helplessness

How can I explain and how can I ever put my misery into words!?

The world seems ignorant as I burn inside, as I smile everyday and dont break down

They make it difficult and wait, wait for me to give way

I also wait, wait to see my life destroy everything that I ever lived for.

The End Of An Era.

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Bysa Papa passed away on 7th November, 2014. He had cancer which was diagnosed two months ago. We tried our level best by trying to keep him alive but we couldn’t apparently. I am disappointed. We all prayed. We all had hope that he will live at least for another year with the help of chemo therapies. But this is something we never comprehended in our lives that we would lose him so soon.
After my dad’s death in 2010, Bysa papa held me and took care of me. He never let me feel that I didn’t have a father. I did miss dad but Bysa Papa made it easy for me. He made life easy for me.
He was there for me like my father and like my best friend. He was always there for everyone in my family. He was our backbone. He was our support and he loved us. He loved us a lot. I have no words to describe what he really was. He was my king. He never let me feel that I was alone. He was the best person in my life. And I lost him. Like I lost my dad and my khala. I lost him too. I lost everything. I lost my life. I lost him.